The Persistence of Memory

I know you all recognize this Salvador Dali painting and recently I felt a lot like I had suddenly been painted into something rather surreal. Our former church here in Rio, Cascadura, is currently without a pastor and João was invited to lead the prayer meeting on Wednesday night. So off we went. When we arrived and climbed the steps to the sanctuary, it felt to me like I was in a time warp. All the same people greeted us. The piano, the organ, the music leader... hadn't changed. I sat in my same pew. João led the service. And for almost the whole time I felt like I had never been to Canada at all. We were still back in Cascadura. So I ask... does time really exist, or is it just in our mind? When something like this happens, it is so strange. I knew everyone's name and could ask about their family and friends. I felt so very at home, not like a stranger at all. I had to consciously remind myself that this was no longer my reality. Much had happened since we left Cascadura in 2001. Somehow it was a nice warm feeling - fleeting though it was - to erase all the good-byes and feel like I had never left.
And I realized in that experience, that all the pain of ever leaving Brazil had long since fled my mind and heart (even before returning to Rio) and now I could just enjoy being back. At the same time it flashed into my mind that I have never fully given myself time to grieve over leaving Canada. Yeah I cried when I said good-bye. But in my joy of being here and our ministry, I have felt rather like it would be a betrayal of my gratitude to continue to miss Canada. There has been a certain pressure for me to quickly say that I don't miss Canada and have totally adjusted back to life in Brazil.
I think I have adjusted here. I am happy. I love where I am in my life. BUT (did you hear the other shoe drop?) I think I can feel all that and still be grieving for my loss. I can admit I miss my church, my friends, my home... even my cat. There are days I awaken and expect Sadik to come bounding in to jump on my chest. I feel a heaviness to remember that he never will do that again because he's still in Canada. There are days I awaken and put my feet on the floor and expect to feel that rush of cold on my feet and instead I step into hot and muggy. I want to run next door to the church and instead I must catch a taxi. I think about calling my friend to go to Costco, but instead I walk down to the butcher shop down the street. So I still have my time warps. You just can't be in two places at the same time, but my mind hasn't learned that yet. There is a time to let go and yet that is so hard. The memories ARE persistent!

OK! OK!

OK! I'll give it a try again. As I said previously, let's see what happens! Thanks for your nice comments and e-mails. I know a blog really is useful for keeping up... if the blogger writes new posts for the "bloggees" to read!
Today I awoke to the alarm clock, which only means one thing - it's Sunday. YEAH! My favourite day of the week. Today as I arrived at our beautiful church, we were a few minutes later than usual and I turned behind me to look and see what seemed like streams of people arriving all at the same time. What a beautiful site! Seeing that many people entering the church building was just wonderful. João and I were talking today about the fact that I half-way expected to miss worshipping in English, since that is very much my heart language, but that has not happened. I have experienced rich and deep worship here that has blessed my life. I can understand why people don't want to miss worship here.
Today I had a ton of kids for the children's message. I know because there was hardly room for them and because I had run off 30 copies of the worship guide for them (I prepare questions based on the sermon for them to give to me after church. I read them over and post them on the bulletin board) and I ran out. I am still surprised by the positive reception for this "moment" in the worship.
Tonight João is preaching on the subject "Down with Violence", very apropos for Rio de Janeiro. And our church. Our attendance is dramatically less at night than in the morning service. It's not laziness or lack of commitment. It is fear. Ours is a dangerous city. Our church is in a area of town that is not exactly... what shall I say?... as secure as people would wish for! I still think like an American and just can't get into the spirit of fear! It's true. It's not that I am brave or anything. More like just dumb enough to not know enough to be frightened or worried. I enjoy the evening worship, although I also thought I would find it tiring. How can it be tiring to be in God's house?
Right next door to the church is a large abandoned structure where many homeless families have moved in. What a mission field and challenge for us. Yes it is ugly and we would like for it not to be there. Yet how appropriate that we CANNOT shut our eyes to the violence or ugliness of poverty that surrounds us. We are forced to deal with it. You can see in the photo on the left that it is ugly - physically and spiritually. Will you pray with us for this great challenge?

Perhaps Good-bye

In the middle of night when I awaken and sleep refuses to return, I compose the most poetic of blog entries. Of course I always fall asleep (thinking about my blog seems to be a guaranteed soporific) and never remember my wonderful ideas. That seems to be only one of the many problems I am experiencing in adding any new entries to my blog.
I just can't seem to get on top of it. In fact, most people abandon their blog within a couple of months (as did my husband - he who got me into this thing in the first place). I have stuck with it for two years now, which is pretty incredible considering the fact that "stick-to-itiveness" is not my hallmark feature.
But I am beginning to think it may be time to close down the shop. I am a firm believer that when things don't function anymore it's time to fix them or throw them away. I believe that about things and institutions, not people!!! I hate being stuck with something just because I started it.
So here I am with this dilemna. Do I make myself write something now and then to satisfy my three or four readers? Or do I give up?
I'm not sure. What does my "vast" reading audience think? So far TWO people have complained it's been over two months without a new entry. They have generously assumed it is because I am too busy.
That is not the truth.
In fact I am living a marvelously tranquil lifestyle because that is what I have chosen for myself these days. I do not wish to be stressed and over committed. I want to learn to live in a "Circle of Quiet".
I have to time to write my blog.
The problem is finding anything to say.
I don't have earth shattering fascinating events happening in my life.
Nor do I have fantastic philosophical thoughts passing through my head.
And well my personal thoughts and events... are just that. I am at a place in my life where it is neither prudent or desireable to expose to others all that is going on. And I guess that leaves me just slightly inhibited. I have not yet fully learned how to be discreet. I tend to be spontaneous... combustible and not ponderous and contained in my expressions. I am trying. In fact I am even doing a personal Bible study on what the Bible says about controlling one's tongue. It has a lot to say. Everyday I remind myself "Listen more, say less". For someone as verbose as I am, that is hard. I am trying not to interupt as much and to listen more.
See what just happened? In trying to explain why I have nothing to say, I wrote paragraphs and paragraphs.
Now all that is a good excuse for just ending "Peggy's Penlines", but I have a nagging suspicion that there is more to it than that. It's not just a lack of motivation, or a sudden new desire to stop talking about myself. I even think it's more than writer's block - thinking I just don't have anything interesting to talk about. I'm not sure.
I'll think about it.
And if I find there's hope for this blog, you'll find more entries. (And although I would like to have some comments on what you think about this, I really am not asking you to beg me continue!)
If not, one day you will access it and it will be gone.
Let's see what happens.

Come and sit for a spell

Do you have a hankering to read a good book? Then come and join us at our humble abode! As you can see from the photo, João was able to get our books organized. That was a task of pure joy for him. There are more books - in particular my books on Religious Education - on the closet shelves in the study. Actually it is not a closet as much as built in shelves behind a door. Since we don't keep clothes in here, we are using the drawers and shelves for tapes, papers, files and books. Keeps the mess out of sight. It was a jubilous day when the last book went on the shelf and João could sit down and read some of his old "friends". I too was quite happy to see my friends and enjoyed a good read as well. Right this minute I am writing you from my desk, that you see on the photo to the right.
João stretched out on the couch, but I chose our bedroom. I think that's one room you haven't visited yet and maybe you'd like to recline and enjoy a nice nap or a good book on our very comfy mattress. Come on in...
Lately I´ve been thinking about "sleep" a great deal. Eternal sleep, that is! João led in 3 funerals last week and there were two others that time did not permit. In addition a dear friend in the US lost her husband. I have been struck with how very fragile our life is. We really are a vapour or mere smoke. Our time here is so short (even if it is 100 years that is just a blink of an eye in the grande scheme of things). I have been striving to live with no regrets and no remorse. That means small and large changes. Mostly it means not putting off telling people how much they mean to me. It means always leaving my husband with a kiss and words of love. It means doing what I really need and want to do and not doing what everyone else thinks I ought to do. It means being happy with what I have and not regretting what I don't have. If I sleep soon, then all will be okay. And if I don't, then I will have even more fun!

It's beginning to look a lot like my house!

I guess I am using my blog these days to keep folks informed of my "settling in" process. In fact, that is really much of what is happening in my life right now. You would think that after two months everything would be tip-top, but you have to remember that I was starting everything from scratch. Finally at two months I am beginning to feel like I am making some progress beyond the basics. A friend asked me today if I had finally "arrived" in Brazil and I had to say a great big "YES". There are days that I forget I ever left Brazil for five years to live in Canada. I still have dreams about people (and my cat Sadik) in Ottawa, but for the most part I feel very much at home. I feel like I have been running an obstacle course since March, and finally I am at the finish line. It's a good feeling.
Perhaps I am feeling much that way because today our books arrived! What an exciting day. It's like a big piece of who we are came back to live with us. 24 boxes of books and they all arrive intact. Right now they sit just as you see them in the photo. (By the way, the bed is new too - it came today so that our guests have a bed to sleep in). I took out tapes and videos and CD's and some of my books, but have left the rest for João to have his own little reunion. (He is at a meeting tonight - in fact he is at a lot of meetings these days!) Every now and then I pulled out a surprise from the box- like his favourite hat from Ottawa. I hated that hat and he loved it (because it was so warm), so he brought it as his own little warm fuzzy from Canada.
Since you haven't seen my living room after I had a few more pieces added to it, I am including a new photo of this room. I just love my living room. I still want to do a lot with it, but I finally feel like it is much more inviting. I especially love the curtains and the potted palm. João is voting for a new rug first and I want some foot stools. What's your vote? The art work for the walls, will be slower as I look for just the right thing, but don't you just love the tulip painting? A special friend of mine had this on her wall and I fell in love with it. A special friend of hers had painted it. They both agreed it needed to come to my house to live, so I bought it from her. It is just perfect in my room and they are tulips - my Ottawa connection. João wants me to look for a big tulip sculpture. Wonder where I would find one?
As I said, things really are feeling more and more like home here. That's a great feeling. And I am also feeling more and more at home in the church. Since I don't spend 24 hours a day there, it will take a little longer than my house, but it's coming. God has answered so many prayers, that there can be no doubt that this is THE place for us! It may not be a bed of roses, but it is certainly a row of tulips.

Prayer Hammock

Why is it so difficult for me to update my blog these days? I guess I am just lacking discipline. Hard to say. I am having computer problems... it freezes about 20 times a day and I am frustrated by that. I am replacing the power pack and hope to resolve the problem. Yesterday I took it all apart. Then went out and bought a new power pack. I got it all screwed in, when I went to plug it in... discovered it was a 24 pin model and mine is a 20 pin model. Moral of the story... check out all details before buying a part for your computer! So I had to unscrew it all, reinstall the old unit and plug everything back in. Now guess what? I am actually working for one hour without a freeze up. Miracle! Could it be that things just weren't plugged in properly? Wait and see, right?
I am also trying to not spend so much time on the computer. I think it is not a healthy life style to be so sedentary. In addition I noticed since I installed my computer, I am neglecting other aspects of my life (like cleaning the house). Gotta admit, it's more fun reading e-mail than mopping the floor.
One thing I am enjoying is my hammock. It is just off my bedroom. The afternoon sun hits hard, but the mornings are just perfect. I take my Bible and my tea and lose track of time. I jokingly call it my prayer hammock. Sometimes it is my sleep hammock, however! It is a blessing for me to slow down the pace and just read the Bible and pray. I confess I don't make it there every day, but that is my goal. And look at my view! Isn't it an inspiration? Yes the photo is cockeyed. That's because I was swinging in the hammock. I wanted you to get the sensation of movement I feel.
I am still working on getting the apartment to feel more homey. Gradually things are falling into the place. I have hung a few pictures and that really helps. The window treatments arrive this week and that will be another step. I got a few pillows for my couch. It's those little things that make a difference. It actually feels like home right now. I just want it to look that way.
I enjoyed my little visit with you. Hope you also find time for your "prayer hammock" wherever that might be in your little corner of the world.

Red Sails in the Sunset

Yesterday, at least to my way of thinking, it was too hot. I think it was around 88 and it was icky sticky. My head throbbed and I felt like lying on the bed all day. I knew there was a cold front coming in and when that happens the weather gets kind of unbearable - oppressive. But in compensation, look at the glorious sunset. I was waiting for a delivery of my computer desk, and just happened to glance out the window and there it was. I grabbed the camera and clicked away.
A few minutes later the delivery was made and now I have a very nice computer desk. No computer, but a desk. Today, I should receive delivery of my monitor and cabinent and can remount my computer that I brought in pieces in my suitcase. Wish me luck... Actually I may call for help, as there are a lot of pieces and I would hate to blow up my whole building:).
Today the climate made a drastic change and I am a happy camper. It's about 70 today. This morning I was in my "prayer" hammock with my eyes closed when I felt wetness. It was windy and misty and the cloud had moved in around me. I was all bundled up in a blanket and so comfy I hated to move. When I did, what a present God gave to me. I looked up and saw the most fantastic perfect rainbow over the mountains. I really couldn't capture it's shimmery glory, but I gave it a "shot".
Living, as we do, overlooking the mountains I can't help but think of Psalm 121 over and over again: "I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber;indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand."
In this crazy city we live in, it's easy to become a prisoner of the violence and live in fear. I am so grateful that my well being doesn't depend on where I go and what I do. I am glad to report that I do not live in a climate of fear and anxiety. I continue to live joyfully in the Lord. Even when this person or that person tries to pull me into a well of fear, into a dark place where people speak badly of others, even when some would draw me into conflicts and others would speak from a critical spirit, I refuse to fear evil! I am thankful to my God who watches my every step. And I am grateful for my home that is an oasis and refuge from the tumult.
...And as a footnote, I can't help but remembering two years when my sister was going in for cancer surgery and I was solemnly trying to fulfil a pastoral role by praying and reading a Scripture. As I read this Psalm, I manage to say "I will lift up my eyes to my heels..." Needless to say the entire family exploded in laughter - so much so the nursing staff came to check us out. As good can come out of anything, so it did in that case. Instead of being nervous and anxious, we all had a good laugh and a good time with this needed comic relief.

Come on in and visit with us

I don't suppose I even need to comment that I remain busy getting things normalized in our home. Thus, no time for my blog. I keep meaning to add something here and there, but somehow as my friend says "the day just takes me away". There is much to do just to settle into a new home. Imagine an empty one. Now imagine all the government red tape to resettle into a country. Even to open a bank account it's been hard, not to say impossible. We got word today, however, our financial situation has been "regularized" and we can now open a bank account. Yipee. That will facilitate life here a lot. And I was also able to access my "unemployment" insurance that had been waiting for me since 2004! That was another victory. In addition I have been able to put the house bills in our name and get internet installed and cable TV working. In between I have shopped for furniture and arranged to have drapes installed. I do lots of walking, which is so good for my health, but means things take a little longer. I have a grocery store that´s fairly close and it delivers my groceries, which is nice when I buy cases of things like milk and toilet paper, etc. In fact everything is convenient to where we live. I really do love the location.
What I really wanted to do was to invite you for a short visit to part of my new home. Remember, I still have furniture to buy and drapes to be installed, but at least we can have a virtual visit to some of my home. So step into the front door, just off the elevator. (Photo to the left). This is what you will see first. Now you understand when I say the apt. is large. Look at that window! It's huge. The room will look so much better when the drapes are installed. Now let's take a look at the dining area - this photo taken from the left corner of the room, just under the air conditioner. (photo to the right) There are controversies about the accent wall. I just love it, but João isn't crazy about it. When I get some artwork on the wall, I think it will look better. I really like the new sofas, which are not white at all, as I think you will see in the third photo (on the left).
Now we will take a little peek at the kitchen, which is to the left of the living room, as you enter the apt. Aren't the painted tiles above the sink just great? By the way, behind the door is my famous refrigerator. By the way, the doors you see on the left are the maids quarters (two rooms and a bathroom) - not that I have a maid or anything. But they are great for storage, etc. Now walk down the middle of the kitchen (as you can see it is long and narrow) about to the sink and then turn back and look at my kitchen table and chairs. Isn´t the cutest thing? I think it's my favourite thing I've adquired so far. I just love it.
Now we will walk down the hallway and visit a couple more rooms, One room is totally empty, so we'll skip it. The study/office is a mess right now, so we will walk past it as well. I can show you the guest bedroom/TV room. I love it's brightness. The curtains are going to be the same shade as the couch (which is two twin beds).
We will also skip my bedroom, as it's hard to get an angle on it to take a photo at night. But for your entertainment I want to show you my guest bathroom - also hard to photograph (on the right). But I wanted you to see the clear glass blocks that form the shower stall. It is the lightest room in the house. Everything is pure white. In contrast, my bathroom is all in tones of brown! Maybe you can see through the clear glass doors the size of my marble bathtub. I think I could swim in there. Takes forever to fill it. But I love my bathtub.
Hope you've enjoyed our little visit. In the near future I hope to show you how much better things look with some more furniture. But everything in it's own time.
That's my motto these days. That and patience, patience, patience. Hope you come and we can have a real visit on my sofa.

Arrivals and Departures

Alone at last! That is to say, finally I have a few minutes in which I can sit down and try to share some of what has been going on lately. On Sunday, April 23rd, João and I were at the Cincinnati airport to take off from parts unknown (oops - for Brazil!). We got there plenty early to deal with our 9 pieces of luggage. It's an interesting process to reduce your entire worldly goods into 9 pieces of luggage. By the end I was so sick of packing and sorting, I think I would have left everything behind. Mom and Sis waited with us, until we had to go through security (an interesting process with so many cameras and computers in our hand luggage). We flew to Dallas and then Miami and then Rio. Thankfully all the flights were on time and very uneventful. Something interesting is that on the flight to Rio I had ordered a special meal (gluten-free) and to my surprise, it actually worked and my food was actually decent.
Not only did the plane arrive on time, ours was the first luggage off the conveyer belt. There was no line in customs, nor did we have to open a single piece of luggage (miracle!). When we came out, there was the beautiful group of people from First (PIB) Baptist awaiting us. What an emotional moment, knowing that we had really arrived. There were lots of hugs and kisses and much joy. Even Elly was able to be there to greet us. When we arrived at our apt., there was an entirely different crowd awaiting us with a wonderful reception. It was a moving experience. After everyone left, we had our luggage to unpack and also an entire room filled with gifts. We received everything we might need or want to set up housekeeping. If I were to begin to list all the gifts, I would use up all the bandwidth for my blog! I'm serious. I have never seen such generousity or experienced such an outpouring of "giving". Everything useful and beautiful was given to us. We even had a terribly comfortable ( and beautiful) bed awaiting us. Believe you me, it looked pretty good to us by nightfall.
We are appreciating so much our beautiful 16th floor apt. There are balconies off 3 bedrooms and also off the living room. I bought a patio table and chairs so that we can have breakfast, not at Tiffany's, but at the Fonsecas on the balcony. And what a view. We feel so privileged to live here. In addition it's very quiet and easy to sleep at night. There is a marvelous breeze (at times a wind tunnel) in the house. The apt. is quite large, with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. We are getting our exercise just walking around the place! In addition, it seems we are close to everything - banks, stores, restaurants, etc.
After some days to get things in order, the pace really picked up around here. Our family began to arrive and suddenly it was Saturday and João's induction service. I hope you understand why I've said it was his induction service, as things are very different here than in Canada where I was very much a part of his ministry. What I mean is that here I will have an entirely different role than in Canada - kind of doing my own thing instead of serving as a sort of assistent pastor. I have already received 6 invitations for speaking engagements. Right now I am not accepting anything, since I need some time to get myself in gear.
The induction service was beautiful and meaningful. No photos, for I was so into the worship, it never crossed my mind. The music, the sermon, all the messages were just tremendous. 45 people came down from Vila Velha (about 8 hours north of Rio), some part of João's family and friends as well, to participate. There was also a group from his very first pastorate, as well as a large contingent from Cascadura (our church before going to Canada). What a night. My feet may never be the same, as the reception line afterwards went on for just forever!
João's parents and Sissy and her boyfriend were here at the house for the weekend, so we had to rush home and try to get some rest before Sunday. Sunday was a spectacular day for us. The church was full. Everyone received us with such warmth and love. It was so meaningful. Sunday night the orquestra played and I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. It was just so beautiful. The letter from Eastview that was read at the end of the service was just the icing on the cake. Wow, wow and more wow!
After Sunday, I guess my feet finally touched the ground again, as reality set in. So much to do. Transfer phone, gas, light and cable. Install internet. Renew documents. Still so much to do - see to my visa, open bank account, renew driver's license, etc. Everything seems so complicated and difficult. I realized this week, while I was coming home to Brazil, I also need to give myself time to re-adapt. Either I am going deaf (and I suspect I do have some serious hearing loss that needs to be checked out) or forgot a lot of Portuguese because most of the time I don't understand or can't figure out what is going on around me. The telephone is just agony for me. I feel so very lost and confused at times. If it's rusty portuguese, then I think time will resolve that. If it's hearing loss, well a hearing aid will help that.
So we departed and we have arrived. We are happy and all is well. I know all the things that need to be done will be resolved in due time. This is a time to live in the Spirit and manifest his fruit. Count it all JOY!

Family Time

I´ve been having a grand time here in the US visiting family and generally just kicking back and taking life easy. On Easter all of us were able to be together. We even made Mom drag out her good china and it was fun. Here I am with my sisters and Mom (to the right) on the day after Easter. I´ve been eating and reading and doing lots of shopping. Today I spent a little time with Mom with her garden. Don´t you love this photo of us by her apple tree? It is so beautiful here. (The photo on the right below is a view from Mom´s deck out her back yard.) Everything has come out to full spring since we arrived three weeks ago. I love spring. I can hardly believe that I will be leaving spring behind in just three more days.
My bags are just about all packed and I am getting anxious to arrive in Brazil. We really are into the final countdown. It´s been so good to have this transition time. Soon, though, life will really be changing. But I know the plans God has for me. I know they are good ones. So I am full of hope for the future.

Back in the US

Don't you love this photo? It's me and Joao holding the quilt that the women of Eastview made and gave to us. We just love it. It is such a beauty. What a treasure. I still take it out periodically just to look at it.
It's hard to believe it's already been a week since we closed our ministry at Eastview. March 26th will be imprinted on my heart and mind for a very long time. It's hard to even try to put it all down on words. Its such a rich and meaningful recollection of so many sensations. My heart was very full of the love I felt so clearly expressed. In addition the level of Christian maturity that was so very transparent made a huge impact on my life.
For days I had been building up for the "Big Good-bye", but as is always the case, God's grace was ever so sufficient. From the testimonies, to the baptisms, to the music, to the personal words of people, to the VERY generous love offering and the quilt, I was overwhelmed with such a sense of blessedness. There was no room for regret or deep sorrowing, although that doesn't mean I didn't grieve deeply. There were certainly plenty of tears. For me, though, the day was what I wanted it to be - God honouring.
Monday, the next day, was much more adventuresome, as my sister and her husband arrived from Kentucky with their RV. A crowd, and I do mean a crowd, of people came to help us load up the RV and a job I thought would last forever was finished in short order. It was even fun. A precious memory will be that after we finished, everyone gathered in the living room where we sat and talked and then prayed together.
Tuesday morning there were many details to care for, so we didn't get away very early. In fact, it was nearly noon. We were a little tense until we crossed the border. But with everyone's prayers accompanying us, that went very smoothly. All we had to do was show our passports and documents and of course Joao had to be finger-printed, as that is protocol.
So Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday we had the life of rich men. We sat on the RV and talked and read and slept, and sang (accompanied by the guitar that would only fit into the shower along with a lot of other luggage) and ate. We had a grand time travelling. We were even able to stop in Pennsylvania and visit an Amish community. We rolled into my mom's house on Thursday night. We spent Friday recovering. On Saturday my nephew and a friend came over to help us unload. So here we are in Kentucky trying to get a grasp on where we are and where we are going. But it's all GOOD!

Good Night Ladies

Tonight I went out the Korean Gardens Restaurant with a group of friends. We had such a good time cooking our own food. The Bulgogee was just as good as I remembered it from Korea. We had such a riot trying out the kimchee (made a hit, but definitely not as hot as I remembered it!), cooking our beef and chicken and just generally checking out new and different food. Also was fun for some of the group learning how to use chopsticks.
Afterwards we went downtown to a dessert place where we chose to indulge. Well it wasn't too bad...We were all rather full anyway. It was a great way to end a very hectic and busy day for me.
Tomorrow the movers carry off our books. Then in the evening I'll be having a Lebanese meal with a neighbour. Saturday I have three commitments. Then Sunday will be our last Sunday here. Monday we hope to pack up and leave on Tuesday. So we are in the deep dark throes of doing everything for the last time. It gets a little wacky and difficult. I am so glad to have ONE who sustains me through it all.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to do another entry any time soon. But until then, Good-Night and Good Luck.

The Good-Bye Girl

My life, in many ways, has been a series of hellos and good-byes. The hellos are fun. The good-byes not so much. Today was a big good-bye. My wonderful friends from Toronto spent the week with us and today they went home and we had to say good-bye to this very special family. That was hard. But they were able to carry a little piece of us with them. Not only in their hearts, but in their car. They took Sadik with them back to Toronto. There are no photos of this good-bye. Too hard. Too sad. A moment not to be remembered for me. I am glad, however, to share the joy of this cat that came as a gift from God for me when I was struggling with saying good-bye to Brazil. Now he is a gift for them.
The night before he left I caught Sadik looking out the window as he so loved to do and snapped a photo of him. Yesterday he spent the day close to me and on my lap most of the day, almost like he knew something was up. He didn't, of course, but I did and certainly he picked up on my emotions.
I love this picture because it's such a great good-bye picture - looking at him happy and with his back turned to me. That's the way I want him to be - turning to the new family and away from me. Ultimately that's what I want for my friends too. That's a hard thing to want.
So here we look at Sadik for the last time. Say good-bye to my friend.

Crowns

Don't you love to have a good time? I am certainly no long suffering miserable Christian. Fun is with me! Tonight 7 women from our church went out to see the gospel musical "Crowns". We sang and clapped our hands and hooted and hollered and laughed. We had so much fun. It was, in a nutshell, about the African-American women and their hats. Made me want to run right out and buy one. I liked the idea of their tradition and of holding on to that to help them to find themselves. Sometimes I think I have missed something by not having those kinds of roots (not physical as much as emotional). But even richer and deeper than wearing a head covering is knowing that my life is covered by the blood of Jesus. Really! He holds me and saves me and loves me. And that also was a part of the story of the play. I think the whole story of redemption is what made the play so joyful. As I last mentioned, it has been so good to have these fun events to mark my last days here. What might have been plodding and difficult has become fun. I have prayed about a vision/mission for our new church in Rio. I feel that what I have to share is JOY! I do have joy, joy, joy down in my heart!

Another Day, Another Good-Bye

Today was the last day for the Bible Study I've been involved in with the Pastor's Wives here in Ottawa. Aren't we a handsome group at the left? This was a short, 7 week, study of the book " When Godly People Do Ungodly Things", by Beth Moore. I found we began to open up more and more during the study. It was so special to be able to share with a group who can "understand" where I am in life. After the study today, we got together for lunch and sat around and shared some about the life of being a ministry wife. So I was gone from 9:30 AM - 4:00 PM. Now that's making a day of it! The group gave me a nice gift and a loving farewell. I've appreciated their support as they have shared in my struggles, from the beginning of the big changes in my life. So they are my new friends (since September) to whom I said good-bye today. I love the card they gave me that said " Good-Byes Mean a Big Hello to all that's new - but that still doesn't mean it's easy!" Truer words never uttered.
I probably won't be writing much (as you've noticed) because I feel a little overwhelmed by life right now. Too much to do to live in the future. The past is definitely over. And the present seems so big... isn't it great that my God is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BIG.
It's interesting, but it seems like between now and leaving (in 3 weeks!), there is something special happening every week. I sort of need that to give me something to look forward to. Last week João and I went to the symphony (Russian music) thanks to tickets from a friend. And next week I'll be going to see the play "Crowns". Life is good. Sad sometimes, but good all the time.

Freezing to death

OK, OK, I know it's winter and we've been off the hook since the season began, but this is definitely overkill. It's miserable out there. After I took an Olympic style fall on Thursday, I decided not to go outside again. I deserved a gold medal for falling with real style - chin first all four limbs splayed. So I let the snow and rain fall. I watched the temperature drop 15 degrees in just 5 hours, but eventually I had to go outside. So this afternoon I did so. And man, it's really, really cold. I put on heavy boots with cleats to maintain myself upright on the solid ice. It took several tries to even get the car open. And over one hour to chip most of the ice off of the windows (that is both João and I working together). Of course sometimes we had to come in and thaw out the fingers and toes and nose. But who says we can make the car go anywhere? On the building side of the car, the tires are frozen solid into ice that goes half way up the hubcaps. We hammered and chiseled away at it, but even after 45 minutes of work, lots of salt, sand and rugs, no go. Since it's 0 (or -17 C), and no thaw in sight, we'll have to figure something out. It's really too slippery out to push the car, but hopefully we'll get enough of a thaw in the next few days that we can get some grip.
I'm just thankful we don't have to go out! We had so many accidents here yesterday. One with 40 cars and 4 deaths. That's downright scarey. I'll be very glad to see this nasty little spell come to an end.

Have Bubble Wrap, Will Pack

(For my non-English speaking friends, today's title is a variation of the title of an old, old TV show from the 1950's Have Gun, Will Travel)
We are all up to our ears in packing these days. I have been buying bubble wrap in bulk. But I think I have most of the dishes and breakables that I am storing at Mom's pretty safely packed away in Rubbermaid containers.
Today I bought 40 1.5 cubic feet boxes to do our books. Three packed and sealed and only.. well I'm not sure how many to go. Probably 30 or so. I am still getting estimates for sending the books, but I think it will all work out.
In the meantime, I have one bed in the house piled up with stuff that will go in the suitcases with us to Brazil. What a mess. I've realized I can't really pack the suitcases since I need to distribute everything equally among the various suitcases.
I also have another pile of things to donate to Salvation Army. There are several large bags sitting around.
Then there are the things I want to sell. How much to charge? How to sell them?
So many decisions. Such a little brain.
Although I was somewhat stressed as I thought about doing this, before actually starting, now it all seems to be falling into place. As the advertisement jingle says: "It's going to be all right!"

So Happy Together

As a treat for Valentine's Day, João and I decided to have our portrait taken together. It was fun to get dressed up and go out together. The photo at the left is a "reject", but I sorta liked the way we were looking at one another. We really are happy together after 13 years. It is a joy to share one another's company.
Before the photo shoot I went to the hair dresser and decided to return my hair closer to it's natural colour. João almost didn't recognize me. I've had it light for so long, he forgot how dark my hair really is! But it's fun to change now and then. There are still some red highlights, as the old highlights are still there under the overall colour. I think you can see in the photos how dark it is now. My big decision was whether to cut or leave it medium length. I opted to let it longer and be able to tie it back. I'll decide when I get to Brazil if I really need to cut it or not. I got some hot rollers and can go really curly if I want, as the tendency in the heat there is for my hair to go curly anyway. With everything I have to do, you wouldn't think I'd have time to obsess about my hair, right? Guess that's better than obsessing about everything else? Seems like all my time is taken up by wrapping and packing. I've decided I need to buy bubble wrap in super bulk packages. I've got everything wrapped in that stuff. Fun, fun, fun!

Nighty-night

I am just back from a really fun weekend. I went to Tucker House with the Bilberry Creek women's group. On Friday night we had a "nighty-night" party. We got in touch with our "inner" child. We played games and ate ice-cream Sundaes. Really suffered, didn't we? And the weather was just great. It was warm and sunny. So nice, it felt like springtime.
When I got home on Saturday afternoon, João greeted me with the terrific news that Sissy passed her vestibular (entrance exam to the university) for the Federal University in Rio, in the area of Speech Pathology. Isn't that terrific news? Seems like just a perfect weekend! Hope yours was as good.

Isn't She Lovely?

Don't you agree with the headline? Is there anything any more beautiful than snow? A friend took this photo of our church and our house and sent it to us. I couldn't NOT share it. The world looks a lot like Narnia doesn't it? The snow is still on the trees after several days. We expect more snow tonight and I'm looking forward to it. I like it when it snows often enough to keep it white and bright. Today, though, the snow plough passed by again and left a mountain of snow behind my car. I couldn't get out and it was like concrete. My big strong husband had to removed the mountain (albeit only a knee high mountain, my car couldn't drive over it.) On these bright sunny days, you really need your sun glasses, as it's dazzling. This is what João means, though, when he says the sun is hypocritical. It's a big blue sky and bright outside, but it's ever so cold. The cloudy days are definitely warmer. Even after 5 years, it's still an amazing phenemena to us.