I said I wouldn’t, but I am!

Yesterday I ran across a site with “Cheyenne” episodes. If you are younger than 50 and didn’t grow up with American television, you don’t know what in the world I’m talking about. I loved this TV show when I was a kid (since it ran from 1957-1963, I really was a kid!). I watched an episode today, prepared to think it was pretty stupid and hokey. You know what? I loved it! It was well acted, a good story line and had a great moral to it – if you can ignore all the shooting and dying of the bad guys. João said, I know, you are going to write about watching this on your blog and I said: “Of course not!” The more I thought about it, however, the more I wanted to do so as I remember all those old TV shows I watched as a kid.

There were in fact several westerns, and they alternated weeks. I remember enjoying them. As I watched Cheyenne, I was surprised at what a good looking man Clint Walker was! He really was a hunk, but I guess I was way too young to care about that. The episode I watched had kids in it and I think all of them did, just to attract us little guys to watch the shows. I remember  “Sugarfoot” as being my favorite of all. The main character was cute, as I remember him and he was definitely non-violent. Even as a kid, I never liked guns, killing and violence.

The other show of the group that I really liked was Maverick with the charming and comedic James Garner. I mostly remember he was a great card player and the women liked him. He was always charming himself out of trouble. It was more fun than the others.

I really dislike nostalgia that makes people say that everything was better in the “good old days” and everything is awful nowadays. On the other hand it’s terribly arrogant to think everything we do today is much better quality and more sophisticated than anything in the past. So it’s been nice to strike a happy medium and heartily enjoy an old show. Do they bring back any old memories for you as well?

Songs in the Night

When I was a child, I slept as a child. As you can see in the photo, I slept anywhere, anytime. In fact if they didn’t let me sleep, I would pitch a fit (according to family folklore. I, of course, never remember being anything less than a perfect child). When I became a middle-aged woman (ouch!), I put away childish things – like sleeping anywhere, anytime, anyhow.

As much as I still love to sleep, it sometimes eludes me. I don’t, as a general rule, have any trouble falling asleep, but there are nights that I have trouble staying asleep. They tell me that happens after menopause. It’s not always and I don’t stress about it, as I know if I don’t sleep well one night, the next I’ll make up for it.

But those hours in the early morning, or very late night, as you will have it, can be the loneliest hours of all. It is dark. All are asleep. It is quiet. I want to sleep. Sleep will not return. My mind begins to think “not pleasant” thoughts. Fears run rampart. Worries are multiplied. Everything is bleak, dark and without solution. If allowed to run free, despair and panic could follow suit. My very recent solution has been to turn on my mp3 player, put in the earplugs and listen to the Scripture, for in these hours even prayers will not flow from my lips. As I listen, especially to my beloved Psalms, my heart begins to beat more slowly. My breathing begins to deepen. My mind is freed and my soul is comforted. I sleep. And I know if those dark thoughts come again on another night, God will comfort me with his words,  for “Behold, He who keeps Peggy shall neither slumber nor sleep” -Psalm 121:4 (PSV - Peggy Standard Version).

Today I was inspired to write these thoughts, as I read Job 35:10: “Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night?” I was struck immediately by the beauty of the words, even if they were said by one of Job’s useless friends. The guy had good theology, even if he didn’t know how to apply it! God does give songs in the night. Ah, how those words danced in my mind. Maybe I’ll even welcome a night or two without sleep, just so I can hear the songs God gives in the night.

Very Cool!

It’s my understanding that in the US, the fairly new translation of the Bible, the ESV (English Standard Version) is making a big hit. I was thrilled when my friend Franklin brought one back from the US for me. It is a very literal, yet modern translation. I had been progressing very nicely with my McCheyne Bible reading plan I began in January and was really enjoying it. When I hit August, however, our church began a Bible reading campaign (that I was spearheading!) of reading the Bible in 125 days. That’s because our church turned 125 years old. And also because the end of the reading would coincide with “Bible Sunday” on December 13th. I kind of resisted switching reading plans. I had already finished the New Testament, Proverbs and Psalms, and was reading them through a second time. I had finished the historical books and was deeply into the prophecies.

Upon acquiring the new Bible, however, I decided to switch over. Unfortunately I decided somewhere after August 15th, which meant I was far behind in the 125 day plan. I had developed the plan, and it requires a 30-40 minute daily commitment, whereas my current plan was about 15 minutes. Yet, when I looked at it like that, it wasn’t so much. I have been known to sit up all night and read a novel. So I jumped in, trying to catch up by reading 20-30 chapters a day. To help me along in that, I downloaded a dramatized ESV audio New Testament for free! It can be found at the Faith Come By Hearing website. The Revelation recording is just out of this world and I remembered a New Testament prof at the seminary who always claimed this book was meant to be dramatized. I plan on listening a second time to Revelation! I transferred it to my mp3 and suddenly I was totally addicted to reading/listening to the New Testament. I could hardly make myself quit listening.

I also downloaded a paid version of the ESV Old Testament, but found Proverbs, Job, Genesis hard to just “listen” to. So I now go to the ESV study Bible page (when you purchase one of the Bibles you automatically get a free subscription to the online Bible) and opened the Bible and followed along as I listen (they offer that option). Boy does that help my concentration. There is a free site that offers a similar option of listening online and following along. At this ESV page, I found several very interesting Bible reading  plans as well.

Frankly, I don’t like the physical format of the ESV Bible I have. Maybe I just need to get used to. It too thick and heavy and doesn’t lay open on your lap or on a table for that matter. It’s just awkward to handle. I miss my NIV Bible I’ve used for 16 years. It’s all underlined and soft and the pages flip open easily. I find anything I want in the Bible. And since I’ve used this translation since 1982, it’s nearly as comfortable to me as The King James Version. Truth be told, I just don’t like breaking in a new Bible. Do you feel that way as well?

For now I’ll keep using NIV for my physical reading of the Bible and slugging away at the “virtual” copy of the ESV. I may eventually make the transition, or maybe I’ll find a copy of the ESV that easier to handle for “just” reading, with no study notes.

To make things complicated I also have a new Bible in Portuguese (for those who will understand, this is the “Almeida Século 21” version) that our church personalized for our anniversary. My adaption to it has been somewhat easier, although I will confess that even after so many years in Brazil, I just prefer reading the Bible in English. Just lazy I guess, but next year I hope to do 2 complete readings of the Bible, with one being in Portuguese and another in English. Maybe I’ll do them “side-by-side”. What do you think?

Well that’s probably way more than you wanted to know about my Bible reading, but I hasten to add that I wanted to write about this to express how MUCH I love reading the Bible and how the more I read it, the more I want to read it. It really is listening to the voice of God. I can’t imagine why I ever made such silly excuses about not having time. Get real!!!! 30 minutes a day is no sacrifice. It has become my motivation to get out of bed every day as I think of how wonderful it will be to read or hear more of what God has to say to me! How cool is that????

Emergency Room

Yesterday as I walked with João to the gym, just around the corner, I commented I felt kind of funny, like my stomach hurt. Then, as we entered the gym, my hands started to burn and itch. I did exactly one warm up and I turned to João saying I needed to go home, something was wrong. My hands were fire engine red and everything was starting itch. I planned to stop at the pharmacy and get an antihistamine. Didn’t make it that far. About a block from the gym, I told him I couldn’t stand up anymore. I sat down on the curb feeling as sick as I have ever felt. Soon I couldn’t even sit. I had to lay down on the grass as the world swooned around me. And sooner, I just didn’t care about anything as I itched everywhere imaginable and felt like everything was fading away.

It was amazing, as people passed by, all stopped and offered help. One lady insisted to João I could be going into anaphylactic shock and that he must get me to a hospital. They called an ambulance and I awoke enough to say no, because they would take me to a public hospital. So she whistled for a taxi and I tried to get in. Then my world stopped for I was out cold. João said my eyes were totally open, but no one was there. That scared everybody. It took three strong men to lift me into the taxi. How’s that for dead weight? Once I was lying down I reluctantly awoke, for I was having the nicest dream… now I understand why people take drugs. Wow, I felt so wonderful. But soon I realized I was in a speeding taxi, although the hospital was only two blocks away. Got to the emergency room and once again, I couldn’t move, so they managed to sling me onto a cart and rush me in where they immediately applied an injection while João checked me in. Amazing, as by the time he got back to me I was fairly alert and making sense.

They gave me an IV with steroids and then I really came around. In about 90 minutes I was wanting to go home. You should have seen me – all red and covered in hives. Yet within two hours there was only some residual redness on my hands (probably from my digging at them). I was happy to go home and sleep off the effects of the drugs. Other than drowsiness, I was feeling like nothing had happened.

I learned a couple of things from the experience.

First of all, you can’t wish away illness. I certainly tried, by force of will, to be okay and just brush it off or get up and walk away. I just couldn’t.

Secondly, I saw how kind and caring perfect strangers can be, in helping us to know what to do and making us go to the hospital.

Thirdly, I realized that something drastic or bad CAN really happen anytime, anywhere. Life is fragile!

Fourthly, I was reminded how tender and caring my husband is. He was so sweet and patient through it all.

Finally, I will never ever again take Anador (a pain reliever only sold in Brazil) and/or Nasonex together or separately. I can live without the excitement!

Boring to you, triumph for me

 

Yes, it’s MY rooster. I saw him while on vacation. I photographed him (after having to “seduce” him with lots of stale old bread) close up(the small insert to the right). Then I drew him. And in a bold step for me, I chose to paint him in acrylics, my nemesis. So here he is in all his glory (the scan is slightly blurry since he is painting on canvas and I can’t get it tight into the scanner).  It is really my very first “Peggy” exclusive where I have tried to give it my interpretation. I chose the colors and the painting style and so I very much “own” the painting. Tomorrow I’ll carry it off to class and see what the teacher wants me to add as details, but basically it’s done. I like him and my husband says I should frame it. Frankly, it’s not that good, but I may frame it and stick it in the kitchen. Makes a nice “Portuguese” them. Roosters are national symbol in Portugal. Here’s the story: “A young man was sentenced to be hanged for a crime he didn't commit. In this case, there was not enough doubt to do the accused any good. Vainly, he swore his innocence. In desperation, he fell on his knees and prayed to his two favourite saints, the Virgin Mary and St. John. Thereafter, he made his last wish to meet his judge one more time. As customary, this wish was granted. The judge received the young man in his own home and even served him a fried rooster. Once again, the man swore he did not commit this crime, and, probably inspired by his two favourite saints, he suddenly lifted his right hand's two swear fingers and exclaimed: "Honourable judge, by the Virgin Mary and the Holy John, I once again swear that I am innocent. If I lie, the rooster on that tray will stay where it is, but if I am telling the truth, it will rise and crow". In the same instant, the rooster was in its earlier feathers, standing up and crowing so it was heard all over Barcelos. The young man was immediately released. To the right is the Barcelos Rooster.

And you thought you wouldn’t learn anything new and useful today!!!  (Source: http://home.online.no/~nancys/portugal/country/rooster.html)

For the Girl I Was

Five years ago, when I was living in Canada I wrote this story and it’s been lost all this time. I ran across the file on my computer and so I decided that I would publish it on my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it. Even five years later it gives me joy to read it and remember that happy day.

For the Girl I Was

And there she was. Carefully scraping her thumbnail over the bar of soap and transferring it to the belly of the doll that she had begged me to undress. I observed her deliberately repeat her task over and over again. I smiled indulgently as any surrogate grandmother might do while playing with her favourite 18 month old. As I began to observe more clinically, to see if there were any good ideas for my series of studies on toddlers, I glanced at the doll’s eyes. I had to shake my head as I suddenly had a flashback. I recalled the story of the “Velveteen Rabbit” and remembered the words of the old Skin Horse, about toys becoming real when they were well loved. The doll was certainly well loved. She was missing half her hair and what remained was matted and ugly. Her painted on eyes were faded. She had what looked like crayon marks on her cheek and some permanent dirt on her tummy. She is very old I thought. She must be more than forty. I hunted through my memory banks to remember her name. It was Toodles. She was the only doll I kept because I loved her so. Looking at her brought out buried emotions from my heart. I thought I saw love in that doll’s eyes. And I remembered.

I remembered that I played with her until I was far too old to be holding baby dolls. She had such a sweet expression on her face. She even wore one of my old baby dresses. Maybe I was just feeling sentimental on my almost birthday, but for just an instant I felt like she breathed a sigh of freedom. It was as if she was muttering, “At last, off the shelf and into a child’s arms.” For sure, Christina didn’t care about the dirt and the wear and tear. She laboured over the baby doll’s pretend bath for nearly twenty minutes. That’s an absolute marvel in the world of a toddler.

Tears welled up as I watched. Not just a few tears. It might be said that I began to weep. I felt again how much I had loved this doll. I even remembered how sad I was to put her in a box because I really was too old for her. I didn’t want to be too old for my doll baby, and yet still too young for a real baby. I had wanted to hold on just a bit longer, not ready to release my childhood. So, I didn’t let my mom give her away with all my other toys. Even when I went away to college, moved to Korea and then to Brazil, Toodles stayed packed away, waiting for me to be ready for her again.

But I was never ready for her again. I never had my own babies who could play with her and love her like I did. There was no place in my home for an old worn out baby doll. Consequently she was moved with my mother’s things to Chicago, Raleigh and finally to Kentucky. When I finally came close to moving home, arriving in Canada, my mom said, “That’s it! Some of your junk has to go.” I began sifting through years of memories stored with my mom. Somewhere in a ratty old box I found Toodles. Fortunately no one was around and I could hug her and give her a big kiss. She would not go into the throw away pile. She would go in my suitcase and onto the airplane all the way to Canada. I knew what I would do with her, too. I would clean her up and buy a beautiful dress for her and keep her on my bed. She would be a kind of antique decoration. She would be a beloved reminder of my infancy long gone.

Toodles made it safely to Canada, but not to my bed. I never seemed to remember to buy her that beautiful new dress. She did get cleaned up, but I decided I didn’t want to repair her hair or repaint her eyes. It would like wiping out all the love she had received. I put her in the laundry room where she sat and I talked to her occasionally as I folded my clothes. Somehow she looked forlorn and always made me a little sad. She made me think of loss, abandonment, of times that could not be recaptured and of things that would never be. That was very strange, for after all she is only an old doll and I’m so very pragmatic and unsentimental.

Still, my strangely evocative doll (and to some people my very ugly doll) stayed on the laundry room shelf for several years until Christina was here that night. I thought Toodles would be just right for Christina. So she was. It was endearing to see Christina embrace that ugly old doll. Then came the moment of my tears. “Oh, Toodles, at last you are being loved on again.”

Truth be told there was more going on. “At last”, I thought, “ I have a living, breathing baby I can touch and hold and love and it doesn’t hurt.” Christina is a wonderful, precious little girl who has that lovely, sweet baby smell and who comes running to my open arms when she sees me. Never has a baby loved me so. Never have I been able to love a baby, except maybe my Toodles. And now I was watching  the two of them love each other.

On the eve of my 52^nd birthday, it is crystal clear that I will not have babies to play with Toodles. Until now I don’t think I knew what to do with that little girl who loved her baby doll, but could not have her own babies. So on this night I mourned what I had lost. The tears were for the girl I was. But there was also a smile. A smile for the woman I have become and, of course, for the baby Christina who plays with the baby Toodles.

PS:  My mother made a beautiful dress for Toodles. She “lives” with me in Brazil now, sitting on my nightstand, wearing my bracelet I used when I came home from the hospital in 1952

It’s been a busy week!

It’s Friday, finally and it’s been quite a hectic week. Despite or perhaps because of all of that, we decided to enjoy our day off together. So after some very typical wishy-washy debate of trying to decide what to do, we drove over to the south side of town for a late lunch.  João decided to take me to a seafood place right on the beach of Ipanema. In all the hustle and bustle of this insane city, it’s hard to believe there is a place like this. The entry to the street is very restricted and when you drive down the little alley, there you are right at the beach, just blocks from Copacabana. But here you see and hear the waves and suddenly you feel the stress just blowing out to the sea, going away to Africa! Today the sky was that rare blue we have once in a while here. It wasn’t hot, and in fact we chose to sit outside in the sun. Once again, it was that rare deliciously warming sun here in the tropics, with a light breeze to keep us cool. It made me glad to live in Rio. It was just that kind of perfect day. We ordered our favorite moqueca (it’s the fish stew you see on the left, prepared in an earthen ware pot). It was really good. Even the rice and manioc flour that accompanied it was tasty. I savored the afternoon. Since it seemed to so calm and quiet, we decided to take a walk down to the rocks you see in the photo on the right. It was just lovely. Doesn’t it really look like the tropical paradise that you imagine Rio is?  It’s a shame so much of Rio has deteriorated into dirt and slums and traffic jams and violence that we forget how wonderful it can be. Today was a respite and it made us want to live right on the beach. I feel ten years younger after our day off. I trust you too are investing in your recreation and mental health as well. My house may be dirty and my articles yet to be written, but I feel so good I just don’t care!

Happy Birthday to Us

Don’t you think we look remarkably well preserved for celebrating our 125th birthday? Monday was our church’s birthday. We’ve been making a full month of it with activities. Sunday we celebrated with the Lord’s Supper, with the presence of many ex and long distant members present. We finally had a full house after weeks of empty pews, we think due to the Swine Flu scare. Our schools have opened again and life seems to be returning to normal.

Monday, on the actual anniversary, we had a 12 hour prayer vigil, starting at 6AM. Every 30 minutes there was a different person to lead the prayer time. João had the 6AM slot and I was at 6:30. It might surprise you to know that these were the most well attended times. That’s because people could come before work or school and then slip out as needed. People came and went all day long, although some folks stayed the entire day. It sounds like it would have been tiring, but it is such a wonderful experience. Every person brings a different perspective and style, so it is all quite varied. This year it was heavily led by the youth, so that made it different, although I laughingly noted that they were the least creative and talked the most.  I guess it was insecurity. Every aspect of church life was prayer for through silent prayer, group prayer, oral prayer, individual prayers, etc. This is a very long standing tradition and there are folks who have participated in this event for over 50 years. I hope we never ever do away with it!

At the end of the prayer time, we had a “birthday party” for the church with cake and all. The music was nice and the food was good, and I enjoyed getting to talk with folks, since there had been no time for that during the day. I will confess, however, that I missed the celebratory worship service.

I have been faithful to my Bible reading plan this year and have been loving my daily Bible reading time. As part of our celebration we promoted a plan for reading the Bible in 125 days. I have added that to my current reading, so a big chunk of my morning has been given to Bible reading. I am so enjoying it and have been pleased to see that others at church are finding the same pleasure!

Next Sunday we close off the month of celebration with the presentation of the cantata “God With Us”.  Between the orchestra and choir there must be close to 150 participants. If you are around on Sunday night at 7PM, come and join us.

Out of Pocket

I was out of town this week visiting with my friend Marilene, so I am a little behind in sharing with you this week. I enjoy her company so much, so it was great to have this time together. Continue to pray for her and the baby as we chose to hold on to hope and a miracle.

We had such fun in the kitchen and I learned how to make more Brazilian food. João was excited I had learned to make “Caldo Verde” (Green Potato Soup). That’s a traditional Portuguese soup that I have always enjoyed, but never knew how to make. You fry sausage and onions and garlic and then slightly fry the potatoes. Then you cook the potatoes, blending them with chicken broth. You put everything together, adding in very finely shredded kale, to give a green coloring to the soup. It is hardy and tasty. Invite me to your house and I’ll make you some.

Last Sunday,before travelling, we had a special Sunday focusing on children’s ministry. I preached  in the morning about the importance of children in the life of the church. At the evening service, we had a  ventriloquist share with the children and the children led the worship as well. It was an exciting service to say the least. I am not sure if the kids or adults enjoyed it more. Even I had never seen a ventriloquist live and I forgot myself in the moment.

On the “bride” scene (Elly), things are shaping up  nicely for an April 21st wedding. She has the church and the banquet hall reserved. She got her gorgeous shoes the other day and today we got the happy news that her dress we had ordered was being delivered some time next week. Everything is coming along nicely. She and Sissy and I are all working out at the gym to get in shape. Something tells me they will make more progress than I will. Still I am up to 40 minutes on the treadmill and up to 15 lbs. on one of the weight-lifting chairs (my legs of course). Keep up the good work, right?

See You Later, My Little Flower

I don’t want my blog to be a one note samba, focusing on loss or pain or anything like that. Right now I am suffering together with a dear friend who is facing the impending loss of baby (fetus of 3 months), unless God decides to perform a miracle. At the same time another old friend found a text that I wrote the night I lost my first baby. The two moments came together for me as I reread the text for the first time in many years. I had long lost the text. I decided to translate it into English. It is very unpolished – on purpose – so you feel how the words tumbled out of my heart into my mind that night.

So Long, My Little Flower

It was such a happy day. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I felt like Sarah when she heard that she would have a child. I showed the test results to my husband, with the big positive sign. It was a surprise – a big one. We hadn't exactly planned the pregnancy, but we hugged, I sat in his lap and our dreams about Johnny began. We called him Johnny because while we dated, we joked about how one day we would have a child and call him Johnny.

In my heart of hearts, I dreamed of having a child, but was fearful that this just wasn't possible. God had already given me one miracle. After I had long decided I would never find love, God sent me the great passion of my life. Imagine, a “girl” of 40 marrying for the first time! If God could perform this miracle, what else might he have in store for me?

Apparently something quite exciting, as on July 19^th my husband and I shared the joy of knowing that God had blessed our 7 month marriage with a child. We called our families that very day to let them know. Little by little others heard and all were joyful with us.

Then August 19^th arrived. The day in which we had to say goodbye to our little Johnny. He had already gone to be with Jesus some days, we just didn't know yet. I was totally alone when I read the cold hard words of the ultrassound, “Pregnancy Ended”. I understood but one thing: “We had lost our child”. The pain caught me by surprise and I gasped for air, as the wave swept over me, bringing a storm where there had been peace just seconds before. Johnny was gone. My tears and sorrow weren't gone. It seemed as if the tears had come to live with me. Each time I had to explain it again, it hurt even more, making the nightmare a reality, make his death more real for me. It was too real for me.

The word spread quickly and everyone was gentle and kind with me. I knew my friends were suffering with me, but I could only cry even more. When my husband arrived at the office to take me home, my heart opened to receive his love and he held me in his arms. He said to me: “There is no dam to hold back your tears now”. For once I had no words. I didn't even want to talk. I just wanted to be with him to assimilate our loss.

I believe, with all my heart, that God gave us this very dear present. I will remember, always, our month of dreams, plans and joy, like a great treasure. It was fun to imagine our child. It was an unexpected joy. And all the pain of the loss can never rob us of the joy we felt for that short time.

My husband always calls me his flower. I answer him back by saying that I am the flower in his garden and he is my gardener. I understood that the result of the love between a flower and a gardener was a tiny little seed. And when that seed began to germinate, even while a tiny little bud, before he could blossom, he left our happy little garden.

Soon I will be healthy and strong again. One day I will be joyful and happy again. In fact I will be stronger, healthier and happier because now I walk where I have never walked before. I have learned that wherever I walk, even in intense pain, God goes with me. For the first time I begin to understand the “valley of shadow of death” and it has a deep meaning for me.

I am still my husband's flower and our love will be deeper and more powerful as we walk together in loss and love. We will share the power and strength of our love with others who also weep.

I don't know why our little Johnny stayed with us for such a short time. I wish he were still here! I so wanted to see what kind of flower he would have been. But now he is in a more beautiful garden, happier and more perfect than ours could ever be. I leave my child with One who loves him as I never could. Good-bye my little flower that never bloomed. You are no longer min. I loved you. I wanted you so much and so anxiously awaiting your arrival. I miss you already. One day I know I will understand better, but for now I cry. I never wanted to say these words, but I must say good-bye. So long, my little flower.

Father’s Day

Today is Father’s Day here in Brazil. Fortunately it doesn’t carry all the sloppy sentimentality with false expectations that Mother’s Day does. We called the Fathers up to the front and prayed for them in the worship service. After church, we went out to the Outback for a family lunch and then had coffee afterwards. It made for a nice Sunday, although we didn’t get home until 3:30, since there was a long line at the restaurant. Elly fell in love with and bought, on the spot, her shoes for the wedding. They are beautiful. It was a productive lunch for her!

The art display was up at church, but I will confess I was disappointed, as I didn’t think there were very many pieces being displayed, although the display itself was nicely done, I thought the subject matters did not reflect the theme very well, nor was there much diversity. The art itself was lovely, but it just didn’t illustrate the theme, as far as I was concerned. I don’t get how the architecture of the front of the church shows unity. (Theme: TOGETHER!) But then maybe I am obtuse. I wished there were abstracts and some sculptures as well, but I guess we are stuck on realism. I am not sure why my work was displayed with photographs, but that's okay. It's been interesting to hear people's remarks, but I have decided I am too much of a beginner and my ego is way too delicate to hear these things! I now sympathize with struggling artists. Despite these things, I think it was a good idea to try to reconcile art and Christianity. I wish we could even have a “arts” group with Bible studies and all. So many times we have sidelined those in the arts, when that God given talent should be on the cutting-edge/frontlines of where we are heading. Maybe someday…

Who Could Ask for Anything More?

I love the movies, but hardly ever go, for a lot of reasons. Today, however, when João suggested we go to see a movie on our day off, I was really surprised. He is not a movie-goer at all. It’s not just the expense, either. Most movies these days are violent, dirty, sad, or stressful. This movie was none of those! It is a Brazilian movie and I highly recommend it, if you get a chance to see it. I know in Ottawa they show Brazilian movies at the Bytown. It will probably have the title of “The Story Teller”. It is based on a true story and is so inspiring. It’s about a child raised in the “state sponsored orphanage” and considered incorrigible, beyond recuperation. Except that he has his life changed by a French woman who loved him and adopted him. It is an amazing story of patience. I loved the movie and I think you would too.

Besides going to the movie, he took me out to dinner at TGIF’s and I loved my supper. After supper and the movie, we then did shopping at the mall. And, now hold on to your hat, I got two new pair of shoes! They are Clark’s one of my favorite brands, which I didn’t even know they sold in Brazil. My feet were killing me, so I put on a new pair and got a while new wind to keep on shopping. I had the humph to visit three bookstores. Those of you who know my husband, know that it takes real stamina to accompany him at a bookstore! As a bonus to him, he found a collection of books that he was anxious to obtain, and they had 20% off. It is “A History Of Private Life”.

So who could ask for anything more? Time with my husband. A good movie. Enjoyable food. New books. New shoes. Total relaxation.

PS: My sister actually took the time to google the movie and its title in English is "The Story of Me". I found a synopsis online if you'd like to read it, at the emovie guide.

Making a List and Checking it Once

Whew! Today I got to check off two things from my “to-do” list. I finished and sent off the translation into Portuguese of the Baptist Women’s World Day of Prayer Program. That’s always a challenge, although I will confess that this year it was easier for me since the originals were in English. Sometimes there are so many mistakes, the English so confusing that I feel like I am making it up as I go along. There were times I would read and contemplate a sentence for over 20 minutes trying to make heads or tails of it. This year things made sense to me. Then again, it was prepared by a Canadian! Only a couple of times did I have to sort of rewrite or edit for things to make sense in the Brazilian culture. The program actually touched me and at times I had to stop and pray about what I was reading/writing.

I also picked up at the framing shop and then turned into the arts director at our church my drawing of the three ministers.  This isn’t the greatest shot, as it was still wrapped in plastic and I needed to leave it as such to carry it to church. You can even see me snapping the photo. I’ll try to get a photo of it along with the rest of the art exposition at Church. The title is “TOGETHER” .

Both things are a big load off my shoulders. Now on to prepare my lecture to the youth on Saturday morning and then my Bible study about the disciples Philip and Nathanael, for my English group. Gotta get with the program. Oops, and now it’s time to go to my art class.

SURVIVAL MODE

Hey, that’s me at the gym working out. Check out the blurry legs. I am going at it at about 5.5 KM an hour. All three of us had some sore muscle issues in the first couple of days, especially after our initial evaluation. After the thorough evaluation, we each received our personal training program. Me I am doing 30 minutes of treadmill and about that of weight machines. I told the teacher I was terrified of hurting myself, so he took it pretty easy with me. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about working out on the machines, but so far I actually like them. In just a couple of days, I have already moved up the weights just a tiny bit on some of the machines. I hope we can keep up the schedule. We took the weekend off and João went back the gym today.

Friday afternoon I had a fairly invasive exam and over the weekend I didn’t feel the greatest. Since the doctor suggested I get light rest, I took her at her word and have been trying to do that. Tomorrow I’ll try going back, but today I was so so tired from Sunday, I thought I should probably keep on take it easier today.

Sunday was just grand. We initiated our 125th anniversary celebrations. Everything went off quite smoothly and there was an excitement in the air. I am especially pleased about the Journey of 125. We want 125 people to read the Bible in 125 days. Won’t that be great if we succeed? There is so much happening this month, I am going to be really busy. So I think I’ll be heading into survival mode.

Going With the Flow

Tonight I learned about something new for me - how to work with a bluetooth adapter. I know bluetooth tech isn’t new. I just didn’t know how to hook up an adapter to my computer and use it to transfer files from a cell phone. Actually not too hard at all, but as my husband said, it makes you feel old when you have to work so hard to figure out something that seems to come naturally to those who are young. Just as proof that I did manage it, I am posting a photo João took of me (with the cell phone) as I was painting, while on vacation. I love the photo, by the way, but I didn’t even realize when he took it. I look like a real artist, eh?

It’s getting harder and harder to keep up with technology, as there is so much. Bluetooth, Twitter, Podcasts, have been added to my list of conquests. It was always so much fun for me to figure out something new. Still is fun when it’s figured out, but it’s getting hard to figure them out. Do you ever feel the merry-go-round really is turning just a little fast to keep up with?

Yesterday,Sunday, we had a special celebration of the 35th anniversary of of our women’s choir. As part of their celebration they invited two other women’s choirs, so it made for quite an interesting service with the different voices and styles. I wasn’t sure ahead of time how much I would really enjoy it, as I am not always a huge fan of women’s choirs. When the men join together, it seems so big and booming and nice, but for some reason women’s groups are often strident and trembly. This was not the case and it was a great service. As you know, we have trouble with attendance Sunday night. Our church falls to less than half of the morning service. To see the church reasonably full is always fun. We are struggling to know what to do with this problem. There were a number of decisions to follow Christ at the end the service, so our hearts were really full by the end of the day.

Wanna Make Me Cry?

Today, as I was preparing my space and material to draw (I don’t have a permanent space for my art work *sigh*), I decided to put my computer near me and put on some music. Now that is unusual, because I am not one to “need” noise. I need silence. But today I wanted music, maybe to help to drown out other sounds, since I wasn’t alone. Strangely enough I struggle to concentrate when I know there is anyone else around. I began to dig through my CD’s and found

my Carpenter’s double album. I haven’t listened to it for years, but from the first notes, I felt like I was in a time machine. I literally felt transported back to my college days. I could see where I lived, smell the smells, see the scenery and feel the feelings. I felt absolutely transported. As I drew I sang lustily, remembering the lyrics and probably driving the family crazy. Their song “Yesterday Once More” described perfectly my feelings.

When I was young
I'd listened to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
Waiting they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times
And not so long ago How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

They made me cry and laugh and be happy too. Mostly I just felt so nostalgic. When I listened to “I’ll Say Goodbye to Love”, I remembered how true I thought it was. I was so certain I would never ever find love and now I’m looking at my wonderful husband of 16 1/2 years, realizing how blessed I am and how things never turn out like we expect.

I did get more done than be sentimental, however. I made progress on Eduardo, our minister of music. I work from left to right on my drawings so as not to smudge them, as the graphite is very soft, so he came last because of pl

acement, not priorities. His tie is polka-dotted, but I am thinking it might just stay solid. I was going to paint on the white dots, but I am so afraid of messing up and ruining the whole thing. Does the solid tie work? I think his teeth came out looking fine, considering I had to make them up since his braces hid them. At any rate I am now far enough along I can take the art to my class and get my teacher to help me with corrections and the background. I’ll be glad when I get it framed and I can stop dreaming about it. Or maybe I should say, stop having night mares about not finishing it in time. Surely am glad I don’t make my living doing this.

Hope you are having a good weekend. Put on your favorite “album” and relive your past. It’s nice and cathartic.

PS: I "stitched" two scans together so you get an idea of the whole picture.

The Family that Sweats Together

Today Sissy and João and I went to a nearby gym (here in Brazil they are on every other corner) and signed up for the “family plan”. Finally after 7 months João and I are getting back to exercise. I have decided to try out weight lifting and a treadmill instead of the pool, so as to avoid sinus problems. I may even do some stretching classes. We start on Monday, although the gal tried her best to get us to start today. We thought it was enough of a leap for one day to go out and sign up. Hope we’ll all like it.

On Tuesday we celebrated Sissy’s 23rd birthday. Can you believe how time flies? We had a nice luncheon at Outback to celebrate.

Today I spent my time reworking the graphite portraits I am doing of the three ministers. In a fit of anger and frustration and I simply ditched the first attempt. After hours and hours, it just wasn’t quite right. I kept erasing, but couldn’t get it right, so felt it was better to start again. You know the old saying about the fact that it’s better to sew a new dress than to try to alter an old one. I was SOOOOOO frustrated, and not sure I would do any better on the second try, but I think maybe I have. To my eyes, it looks a lot more like Joào and Hélio. I still haven’t worked too much on Eduardo and since the whole drawing is too large to fit on the scanner, I’m showing you only the two of them. I have decided to do their suits in charcoal, when I have finished their faces. The charcoal will be dark and rough enough to represent the clothes better. I hope I can finish in time for the art exposition the first Sunday of August. In addition, I have to leave time to have it framed. The problem is, of course, that I get tired after about 4 hours of work. These two faces have easily taken 10 hours and there’s still a lot to go. Wish me luck!

Long Time No See

What a ride it has been the last two weeks! Hectic is kind of an understatement. If I wrote about everything, I think many of the things would be boring to you, so I’ll just hit a couple of events. One of our high points this past week was receiving our friends from Canada, Tereza and Patricia. Patricia was very much a little girl when we left Canada three years ago, but now she is a beautiful young woman. They were so much fun to have here in our home. It was like having family here. They left yesterday to travel to Maranhão, to visit Tereza’s family, and we already miss them here. Some people can just walk right back into your life and it’s like you’ve never been separated. That, to me, is the real test of friendship!

In addition to their presence with us, this week is the state Baptist Convention here in the city of Rio. Unfortunately the convention site is REALLY far away. In good traffic conditions, about an hour. In bad, about three hours. So João has been rushing back and forth to those meetings. On Wednesday, he was the preacher and the men’s choir from our church sang (you can see some on them in the background of the photo of João). João did me very proud with his message. I think what he had to say was very significant and I hope they take to heart his concerns about ethics and integrity. They voted to publish his message and several references were made to the message during the business session the next day.

On a very light note, last week I had a beauty consultation with a Mary Kay rep. (Who just “happens” to be our youth minister’s wife.) Do you remember when Mary Kay makeup was all the rage? I loved it back in the 80’s, but when I came to Brazil, I stopped using it, since it wasn’t available here. Now it is, albeit everything is very different. I was impressed with quality of the material and its affordability. Although I had invited several friends from church, only one was able to make it. She thought she looked a little too made up, but I thought she looked polished. At any rate we laughed and giggled and had a lot of fun doing our make-overs. I remembered how much I need “girl” fun. Since Marilene moved two years ago, I just haven’t invested in that. I suffer from a chronic fear of rejection, so I tend not to call people or invite them to things, as much as I enjoy them. I always wait for people to call me, but because I put up such a good front, folks assume I wouldn’t be interested in being with them. Since I don’t call, they don’t call and I end up in my own lonely little vicious cycle. We’ll save the analysis for another day.

I have to leave here in a bit and pick up all my test results at the lab. Doing the exams was another part of my week. Now I just have to schedule a doctor’s appt to talk over the results, which from the indications at the time of the exams, are all okay. As Momma always says: “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken”.

Old Dog, New Tricks

Last night I did something new. I went to a choir rehearsal. No lightning bolts, please. I know I said I was done with singing, but this choir is a temporary thing, formed to sing the cantata for the anniversary of our church in August. It’s not that many rehearsals, so it’s not a big commitment. Plus they are actually singing with sheet music so I can learn the music pretty quickly. (Most choirs learn by rote which means endless repetition that bores me to tears) In addition, the directors of rehearsals are professional musicians and actually working on breathing, tone and learning to sing correctly. I LOVED rehearsal. I learned more about singing, I learned a new song, made friends, got some exercise (singing counts as exercise, doesn’t it?) and had FUN. You are never too old to do something new, right? Speaking of which I am seriously considering buying a digital piano (no way an acustic piano would fit in our elevator) and studying piano. Wouldn’t that be a kick?

I am on the anniversary committee of the church. Our 125th anniversary will be on August 24th. Our theme is “TOGETHER”. One of the events is an art exposition and I was “volunteered” to participate. My very original idea was to produce a portrait of our three ministers, showing them united, or “together” in ministry. I just started yesterday, but made progress, although there is something wrong with the youth minister’s eyes. Everyone always says he looks like Barak Obama and now I see the resemblance. João and Eduardo look like themselves, but I have to do something with Elio’s eyes to get him right. But look at their ties. It’s the first time I’ve drawn clothes and I think I made good progress. I think I have discovered that for portraits I prefer pencil. I tried ink and that was horrible. The nice thing about pencils is that I can carry them anywhere and work on the drawing, although this is a fairly large drawing and is hard to carry around.

Things are quiet around the house. Sissy is on vacation and Mia has entered into depression as she misses Sissy so much. Don’t those eyes just say: “Come home Sissy”? That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve seen in a while. That is Sissy’s bed, by the way. Mia stays there all the time now. Soon things will be more agitated around here, as Theresa and Patricia will be arriving from Canada. They were members of our church in Ottawa, but are Brazilians. Can’t wait to see them. I suppose I had should clean and grocery shop and get ready for the visit. Oops… there goes the quiet.

Saturday the 4th of July

Today is NOT a holiday in Brazil, but I decided to celebrate anyway by inviting my English speaking Sunday School class to my house for a 4th of July “mini” celebration. We had a brunch and we all tried to dress in red, white and blue. I couldn’t find blueberries to go with the strawberries, but at least we had lots of red for our breakfast. I have never tried doing anything like this before, so it was the first time in 20+ years I’ve had any celebration of the fourth of July. I am not sure if it was a busy day for everyone, or people didn’t like the idea of the brunch or an American holiday, but I only had 3 people come. I was thrilled they made it, but wondered what happened to my other 10 classmates. Since I prepared for 15+ people, needless to say I had TONS of leftovers. We all had a great time talking and eating. I really enjoyed myself AND I won’t have to cook for a while. I don’t think they were too sure about the “deviled” eggs, but since those are one of my very favorite foods, I ate them all for supper! Since everyone asked why they are called “deviled”, I had to do a little research. Do you know??? According to the ever famous Wikipedia: “The term "deviled", in reference to food, was in use in the 18th century, first known print reference appearing in 1786. In the 19th century, it came to be used most often with spicy or zesty food”. You learn something new everyday! And now I am off to eat watermelon to finish off my 4th of July. Hope you had fun too.

Acrylic paints

I know, I know, I haven't written. Everything is fine. Maybe too fine, as there is nothing new or exciting to report on. I frankly have thought and thought and don't seem to have anything new to say. We've been trying to get back into a routine since vacation, and that isn't always easy. I can't seem to get back into exercise at all. Same for drawing and writing. I guess this is part of the process of reorganizing things.

Hopefully things are getting a little better, although doctor and dentist's appt and lab work aren't facilitating that much. I even had my hair colored and cut (and that is a 3-4 hour process). As I frequently complain, these kind of things are so time-consuming here. I set up a doctor's appt six weeks in advance just so I could be the first appointment of the day and not have a long wait. Nice try. Not only does this doctor set up TWO (not one) appointments for each time slot every 15 minutes (guess she figures she is magic and can do two people at once),but she also arrives 30 minutes late AND chooses to see drug reps before the patients. Well I ony waited 90 minutes. Better than 3 or 4 hours I guess. I struggled to be "happy" and patient. Fortunately I had my Bible with me and the Psalms got me through and I didn't even have a major "grumpy" attack. Does anyone have any strategies that really work for learning to live with always having to wait? I have tried arriving late, but that doesn't work, as they put you at the end of the line for the consult. I wish it didn't bend me out of shape. I know I have to change and I am working on it, but having to do any "medical" kind of thing is already something I hate. I usually spend the rest of the day "recuperating".

Yesterday I had a small breakthrough, I think, in my art lessons. My teacher gave me some one on one time with using acrylic paints, instead of just letting me free form fail. I have been pretty discouraged on painting lately, and had almost decided to give up. I watched as she showed me and then I tried the technique. And you know what? It worked! So I did a monochrome jug, practicing the technique. It actually looks better than the scan, as it has a lot of

depth. I was so pleased that it turned out decently, that I came home and started painting a series of bottles I had started drawing while on vacation. I am supposed to be studying transparency, and nothing is better than glass bottles for that. Here you see my sketch and the first two bottles, with no background yet, so you can see my progress. My teacher says I need to start buying canvass because paper just doesn't cut it. Just when I thought I had all the supplies I

needed! I find that she is always right on these things, but I surely hate to spend the money. The other gal that studies acrylic with me is over the top frustrated and ready to give up as well, so I know that acrylic is hard, and I want to stick with it a while until I can decide whether I like it or not. At this point I feel my favorite medium is definitely watercolor, but that could change. We'll see. I am still dreaming of arriving at the point where I can "create" instead of just copying.
And there you have it. Nothing exciting, but at least I am alive and kicking. (Well I should be kicking, but I am not. Maybe later this week I'll get back in my exercise routine).

PS: This painting stuff gets addictive. Tonight I did a bit more and here is the result. Remember, there is still alot to go, but will probably wait for class next week to get some hints as to how to proceed.