Slightly Less Crazy

Today I am feeling slightly less crazy. I took a couple of days off, and then when I did some drawing I copied some photos and old masters. That helped me regain a little confidence. I branched out into colored paper, white crayon  and even some colored pencil highlights. It was fun to try to copy Longhi's study of two peasants and one of Degas' famous ballerinas. I love Degas. I am trying to locate a DVD of the PBS special on Degas from a couple years back.
The swan drawing came from an exercise in a drawing magazine that I buy every now and then.  I loved working on the black paper, although I really had a mess of white everywhere, since it was pastel I was using. We are currently on recess from my classes and so I am having fun doing what I want.  I finally worked up the courage to finish my graphite drawing. I scanned it and then did it in sepia (on the computer) to soften up some of the parts where the paper flaked off from erasing it so many times. I think you'll see an improvement from the previous self portrait. Still not exactly me, but I think it's closer. I don't quite seem to bring me to life... of course it doesn't help I'm not smiling. But I am not crazy enough to try to draw teeth yet. I'll get there some day. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.
Things are pretty quiet on the home front these days. I am cook and clean and grocery shop, answer my e-mails, do some drawing and of course spend lots of time in prayer and Bible study. I am preparing four messages for September. I will be preaching at a women's camp back in Vitória, where I first started my work here in Brazil. Although I've been gone for 20 years, I still have a lot of friends there. It will be nice to see them. And I love working on the messages.
I was reading Challie's blog the other day (it's in my list of blogs on my sidebar) and he said there are two types of devotional reading. One that is broad, with no definite direction or goals and that which is focused and study oriented. I realized that when I chose and pick or even read the Bible through, as I am doing this year, I have a hard time focusing. So since I was in Isaiah in my annual reading, I decided to study, really study Isaiah and make notes on each verse or thought or chapter (depending...). So after some time, I have now completed four chapters and I am so much happier. I really really get what I am reading. If my Bible study is not fruitful, neither is my prayer time. I have also come to realize that my Bible study is also prayer... it is the part where God speaks to me. Nothing mysterious or mystical, but His Word is His voice in the world. And so much clearer and safer than waiting for a nebulous direction that comes from some kind of "gut" feeling.Temporarly I have put Isaiah on hold to study Philippians 3:12-14 and Hebrews 13:7, which will be the basis of two of my messages. I have spent over 8 hours analyzing the words of these verses. Now I will begin to put that together. Oh, how God's Word falls fresh to my ears every day! I thank God that I have the time and resources to really delve into the Bible.

Psalm 119:103 How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

Now I get it

I think I now understand why so many artists go whacky and do things like Vincent VanGogh. (Yes, I do know the real reason why he went crazy). A couple of weeks ago (make that 3!!), I started a self-portrait. I never could get the eyes right, so I gave up. I mean, I erased a hole where my eyeball should be. The rest wasn't too bad. So I decided that would be a "study" and I started over again last night. This time instead of graphite, I decided on charcoal. Personally I love working with charcoal, as it gives me a sense of freedom and is also very forgiving on the paper. Another words, I don't have to worry about erasing a hole. Ha! I basically finished it in about 2 hours. But it didn't look like me. So this morning I erased out, what? The eyes of course. I ended up redoing the eyes at least 4 different times. The nose is also a problem, as I get it too narrow or too wide. The mouth isn't too bad, although I did redo it at least twice. The hair, well I do hair well. What is there to mess up with hair? Anway, I was about ready to tear the whole operation up, after 5 or 6 hours of redoing everything. Not a waste of time, because you always learn something. But self-portraits are just really hard. You just can't be the objective. So although it's not a bad looking drawing in my not so humble opinion, it's just not "me". The strange thing is that the measurements are all right on, the shapes are right, but the whole thing just isn't me. Or maybe it is me, as I see me. I finally sprayed with finish so I could have to quit working on it. So let's just say I really get whacking off one's ear or nose or other body part that you just can't draw. I just wish it weren't so hard for me. I love the experience, but it takes me sooooooo long to finish a drawing, and then it's just not what I want. Maybe I just need to lay off the self-portraits. (By the way, the picture is not as splotchy as it looks in the scan. I used "canvas" paper and the scanner just couldn't handle the texture).
One thing I find interesting is that when I am drawing I am in another world. No time, no words, no hunger, just me and charcoal and paper. (Unfortunately the charcoal doesn't always find its way onto the paper, instead covering my hands, arms, face, hair, etc.) I realized this afternoon I had a neck ache. I had been drawing for about 4 hours and it was way past lunch time. I had no idea. That means I am working with the right side (non verbal, non linear) side of my brain. That's the most important thing about this whole experience.
On a lighter note, I finally "broke" down and bought some new dishes. Broke is the key note here. I have ceramic tile floors and marble counter tops. Guess what happens to most of my dishes? In two years I have broken 4 plates, 5 cups, 2 saucers and one bowl. So I've transferred those dishes to my kitchen and after looking and looking found something to use in my dining room, albeit not china or anything fancy, beats chipped and unmatched. As you know I just love tulips and I have a tulip oil painting in the living room. I have a red/orange wall, so I think these will go nicely. I was so pleased when they were delivered. I am doomed, however, because one of the saucers arrived broken (they are replacing it, of course). Whatcha gonna do? Maybe I should just go with plastic or paper plates... Wish you could drop in and I could make you a meal. Today I could serve you some delicious cherry-berry cheese cake (lo cal) that I made this afternoon. ... Maybe another day?

Little Boys Become Old Men

Yesterday I did what I hate to do. I have a site on Ancestry.com where I am tracing back my family tree. That I enjoy. But yesterday I had to add a date to someone. A date I don't like adding in. It is the date of someone's death. It is my mother's only "full" brother. He was 16 months older than she and they always shared a special bond. Funny, they were so different. He was a blond and she a brunette. They say he was a sweet child and Mom was, well let's say adventuresome. I think you can see in the picture, even when they were babies how different in looks they were. He took after his father (who died just a few days after Mom was born), and she after her mother.
I gather they were always good friends and allies. I love the story of their youth when they thought they were doing a great community service by getting rid of the local "bad" driver. He was an old man who couldn't see straight and drove down the middle of the road. They heard everyone complain about him. So they got the idea (and I do believe the instigator was my mother) of stretching a rope across the road, wrecking the car and then the old man wouldn't be a hazard to anyone anymore. Crazy kids, they actually did it. They knew what time he came down the road, so they stretched the rope across and laid hiding in the field to see the results of their "good deed". Unfortunately, before he meandered along, the local "cop" hit their rope and went spinning. Madder than an old wet hen at the damage (couldn't have been much), he went looking for the perpetrator. I don't know how he knew it was Uncle Bill and Mom  (I don't think they had criminal records,but I do think it happened on their property), and went looking for them or their family. He found their very strict and austere step-father. I think they both knew they were in for it. Lucky for them, he hated the cop and thought it was funny. He didn't even punish them. I still can't believe my mother wrecked a police car and lived to tell the story! Uncle Bill must have been a good guy to forgive her for all the trouble she got him into! I had never seen the photo to the right until recently. Uncle Bill is the oldest in the photo, the big blonde. Funny, all of Mom's brothers were blonde and her sister was dark like her.
Uncle Bill's signature is on Mom and Dad's wedding license, since they eloped. Uncle Bill and his girlfriend (later his wife) went with them. I have to be grateful for that, don't I? I have lots of images of him in my head, but few pictures. In this family photo, Mom is on the left end (standing) and Uncle Bill is on the back row on the far right. He was the only guy with a full head of hair, his step-brothers taking after their father. I think this must have been in the sixties (early).
Truth be told, I sometimes had a hard time calling him Uncle Bill because Mom always called him by his childhood name, Willy G. (His real name was William Goodman, named after his father and maternal grandfather). Once he commented how he hated that nickname, so I made an effort to call him Uncle Bill.
It's been several years since I've seen him, as I am not good about visiting relatives and I do live far, far away. I did talk with him on the phone whenever I was in the states, as he and Mom talked regularly.
After his wife died of Alzheimer's disease, some time back, I thought it was cool that he took a cruise to Alaska so he could say he had visited all 50 states. When he came back from Christmas in California (with his son and grandchildren) last year, my little boy Uncle who had become and "old" man, was sick with pneumonia. He never really fully recovered and so a second bout of pneumonia in July meant that yesterday he fell into a forever sleep. I have felt a deep sense of sadness and loss, most especially for my mom. It is hard to lose our elders. It is hard to lose our loved ones. It is hard to see little boys become old men.

I Scream, We scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream

Yesterday was Sissy's 22nd birthday. Can you believe it? It seems just yesterday we were celebrating her 9th birthday at DisneyWorld or her 19th in Canada, in a hot air balloon. Her 15th birthday was in Europe. This year nothing so exciting. Her sister did take her to a Sushi bar, all you can eat, for lunch. Wouldn't take long for me to get all I wanted to eat!!!! They had a great time, however.In the evening we all went out, together with Sissy's best friend, to Johnnie Pepper Restaurant.

I don't think there is an American equivalent, although the decoration and menu were all in English. Let me know, if I am wrong.
I love this photo of Sissy and Elly together. I am so happy they are such good sisters and so united. The friendship sisters share is special. No one really knows you like a sister does. You share so much of your lives together. If life is fair, you will probably have your sister as part of your life more than any other one person. You not only share the same genes, you also have shared the same bedroom, the same clothes, the same family history. To sum things up, we had a fun evening, with lots of laughter and lots of food. Elly wasn't hungry so she ordered an appetizer and ended up with a gigantic plate of nachos. I did my best to help her eat them down to a reasonable size, but the plate was still full at the end of the evening. Sissy, of course, was entitled to a free dessert.  I wanted to snap a photo of her eating ice cream and so she was checking her teeth to see if there was anything on them. I was focusing and accidentally clicked and ended up with this hysterical photo of her.

She doesn't usually read my blog, but if she does, I can hope she forgives me, but you must admit it's really funny. We all laughed hysterically when we saw it. Now to redeem myself, I'll show you the photo of her with her Colgate smile. Wow, all those years of braces were worth it. Happy 22nd Birthday.

Fondue with Friends

I enjoyed this past week, as it forced me out of my usual circle of activities. Early in the week, I had Robert Bratcher (yes the one who translated the Bible in the Good News version) at my house. He is 88 and came to celebrate the 80th anniversary of his baptism. Although his visit was ever so short, I enjoyed his presence in my home. He was born in Brazil, the son of one of our missionary pioneers (who served as interim pastor of our church in the 1930's). The stories and memories were wonderful.

He left on Monday and on Tuesday my friend Marilene arrived, sans family. It was the first time in 7 years that we have had quality "alone" time. It was so wonderful to just talk and do "nothing". Marilene has generously shared her friends with me, so that my art teacher, Gabi, came to me via her friendship. Roberta, who also studies with us, has also become a friend. So, while Marilene was here, I had them both over to have some fondue here at the house. The fondue was fine, but the conversation was even better. Isn't it nice with your friends are friends with each other? I think it is. When Marilene left on Friday, I felt kind of empty. I better understand what Jonathan felt for David when the Bible says: "the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." (1 Sam 18:1 KJV) Friends do make us so much richer and add so much to our lives. We have few friends whose souls are knit to ours, thus making them more precious. 

Fortunately, on Friday one of João's friends dropped by for lunch with us and that helped fill the day. Pity I forgot to photograph our lunch of "moqueca capixaba" (it's a fish stew) that I am finally learning to make. It is a delicate operation and requires a earthen ware pot (the top of which I broke when it slipped out of my hands). I haven't got it down to be perfect, but I am getting better. So if you come to my house, now you know you won't starve. I've learned to make fondue (like that's really hard - although it is really expensive) and fish stew. Oh and add yakisoba that I have perfected recently. Some come and enjoy a meal with us.
Just so you don't forget her, I threw in a recent picture of my sweet little bundle of fur, Mia. She continues to brighten our days with her purrs, her antics, and her affectionate ways. I can hardly imagine how our life would be here without her, she is so much a part of our lives. 

It is these small and large moments of joy that add splashes of life and color to daily lives. This week could have been terribly discouraging, as it was the state Baptist convention and things did not go that well. There were heated arguments and disagreements and attitudes that made you wonder if you really were hearing pastors and church members speaking. Actually I say that, although I didn't attend. I knew what was coming and I avoid conflitual situations like the plague. João was so discouraged that he arose at 3AM to pray for the convention. By God's intervention, the 1st vice-president presided at the last meeting. Things calmed down and at least everyone agreed on a solution so it ended on a good note. I used to enjoy denominational meetings, but I find myself more and more disgusted and repulsed by them. I can hardly believe I used to be so active in such affairs, now that I am free of that. I actually feel like it was burden lifted from me. I am much happier tending to my church, my family, my friends, even my cat!

I plan to keep on doing that and I'll leave the politics to others. Go and enjoy some fondue with your friends, too!

Art Exhibit

While I was on vacation, my fellows students decided we needed to exhibit what we were learning. So today was the day for us to put our work on display for the world to see our progress. Well not exactly the world, persay, but our family and friends, anyway. Everyone else was a little more enthusiastic about the operation than I was, so fortunately the turn out was very good. I even thought of not attending, since I had no one to invite and I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to waste a perfectly good Saturday looking and the drawings of beginning art students. Since I am basically introverted, any event that has more than a few people intimidates me totally. Me, I'd rather be in my own little house. Even so, I have to admit I had a great time. I really like all the other people in my class and enjoy being with them. We never managed to get a photo of all five students and our teacher at the very same time, so I have two photos and in both our teacher, Gabi, is in the middle.

I am scattering the photos of each student's display, so you can get an idea of the fact that each person showed their drawings. It was really interesting to see everything displayed together and discover how each person's way of using their pencil, as well as their vision of the world is so very different. ( I am sorry the photos are arranged so very goofy. Blogger in an effort to "improve" what already worked quite well, changed the way of uploading pictures and now you cannot align the photos with the text. The program decides where the photos best fit. Making it impossible to put your photos and text wherever you want. BOO blogger. It was a terrible idea and NO IMPROVEMENT. I am frustrated out of mind, as I have had to upload the photos six different times - oops, make that eight). That and the tremendous progress of each student is what really stood out in everyone's evaluation. I think Gabi will have some new students since every saw how much progress had been made in just four short months. I became the biggest advertisement of all for her course when folks looked at my very first drawing of myself and of João and saw what I did last week. In fact, they put my two (before/after) drawings on the expo invitation, as my improvement was so marked. It's interesting as I never had an any particular interest in drawing and now I can hardly keep my hands off of a sketch pad. Gabi says one of the secrets of my improvement is that I draw all the time. It does help. I look at the world differently now. I try to see light and shadows and angles and think how things would look on paper. It's an interesting phenomena. In closing I want you to look at a side-by-side comparison of each student's drawing of Picasso's self-portrait as a young man. Same day. Same light. Same material (charcoal). Five different drawings. None better than the other. Just different. Mine is in the middle and the darkest you will notice. That is my characteristic - everything very dark, very shadowed.

Night in Rio

As I went to bed the other night, I glanced out the window and saw the most beautiful sight, with the moon partially covered by clouds. I was overcome by it's sad beauty. I have never liked the night or darkness. That's not a theological thing, but a psychological thing! Still, I had to admit there was beauty in the night. I wish I could say I really feel Rio is as beautiful as this. There are flashes of beauty, but this week the ugliness of our city and the sadness of tragedy was great for me. A child- who I did know - died senselessly on Sunday night, in my neighborhood. He was only three. He was in the car with his mother. The police mistook their car for that of a fleeing thief, and even as she pulled over to allow the police to pass, the police fired 30 rounds into her car, killing her child. It was so stupid and so violent! It's not enough to live with the violence of the bandits in our town. We must also fear our underpaid, poorly trained and sometimes violent police. I am so angry, so sad, so indignent that I don't know what to do about it. Pray for our city...

This, that, and the other

Okay, I'll admit it. The rainbow photo has nothing to do with anything I have to share, but yesterday it was a gloomy, stormy, chilly day and all of the sudden Joào called me and there was this gorgeous rainbow to be seen from our veranda. I grabbed the camera and ran. By the time I tried to get another shot, it had faded. But it was so clear and so big, I just couldn't resist sharing it with you. I don't think any of us ever grows out of our fascination with rainbows. When one appears, everyone comes running or stops what they are doing to look, like we've never seen one before. We have a wonderful hymn we sing here in Brazil, that says "behind every black cloud, a rainbow is hiding". Oh so true.

Life seems to be moving back into the "normal" range, readjusting to schedules after vacation. I am still going to bed late and getting up late, a habit I really need to break. This morning I had to get up early and consequently I've been groggy all day. It was the same story yesterday. Consequently my drawing class was not as productive as it might have been. We did a study for doing our own self-portrait. It was to be a 3/4 facial view, so I had to hold my head in place in order to keep it in the same position. It did not turn out all that great. Actually it's not a bad drawing. Just doesn't look like me, which was the purpose, after all. In the photo to the left you see Roberta, my classmate, and Gabi, our teacher. To the right are two other students (Marcia and Jane) in our class,with Gabi as well. As you can see, none of us are teen-agers, but I am by far the oldest (by 15-25 years) and least experienced "artist"of the group. We are going an exposition next Saturday. I will try to photograph it for you, as I think it will be a fun morning. This class has been wonderful for me, as it has not only opened my horizons for learned something new, I have made new friends. When I thought of who I might invite to our exposition, I could think of no one. I realized I really have no friends here in Rio. My life has been limited to the church and as pastor's wife, I get along with everyone, but no one is really a close friend, and it should be that way. I like the folks from my aqua class, but it's hard to really make friends when you jumping and out of breath, besides which I don't have a lot in common with them. Speaking of friends/acquaintances, I finally located the dentist I used here in Brazil before I went to Canada. She is one of the best I have ever been to and have been frustrated ever since with other denstists. Since I was dethroned during vacation (I swallowed my gold crown!), and wasn't satisfied with my dentist here, we finally found Josi and I have started back with my gum treatments. This is nothing I enjoy, trust me and I told her on Thursday I thought I would need a blood transfusion from the procedure, but it's such a relief to know I have stopped my bone loss. I had lost quite a bit of my bone and was running the risk of my teeth getting loose in my mouth. I still have 3/4 of the work to go and so I will have a swollen mouth for a while, but at least my teeth won't fall out of head.

So my life moves forward with one thing and another. I am translating the Baptist World Day of Prayer Program, working on some material for premarital counseling and involved in meetings for church, so I stay busy in my own little way. Sissy is on vacation in Campos, so the house is kind of quiet. Mia has finally accepted me back (sort of) after having transferred her allegiance to Sissy while I was on vacation. I am trying to train her to sit still so I can do her portrait (hahaha). To train me, I did my first cat portrait (from a photo) this week. What does it say about me that my portrait of a cat is 100% better than my self-portrait?