Now I get it

I think I now understand why so many artists go whacky and do things like Vincent VanGogh. (Yes, I do know the real reason why he went crazy). A couple of weeks ago (make that 3!!), I started a self-portrait. I never could get the eyes right, so I gave up. I mean, I erased a hole where my eyeball should be. The rest wasn't too bad. So I decided that would be a "study" and I started over again last night. This time instead of graphite, I decided on charcoal. Personally I love working with charcoal, as it gives me a sense of freedom and is also very forgiving on the paper. Another words, I don't have to worry about erasing a hole. Ha! I basically finished it in about 2 hours. But it didn't look like me. So this morning I erased out, what? The eyes of course. I ended up redoing the eyes at least 4 different times. The nose is also a problem, as I get it too narrow or too wide. The mouth isn't too bad, although I did redo it at least twice. The hair, well I do hair well. What is there to mess up with hair? Anway, I was about ready to tear the whole operation up, after 5 or 6 hours of redoing everything. Not a waste of time, because you always learn something. But self-portraits are just really hard. You just can't be the objective. So although it's not a bad looking drawing in my not so humble opinion, it's just not "me". The strange thing is that the measurements are all right on, the shapes are right, but the whole thing just isn't me. Or maybe it is me, as I see me. I finally sprayed with finish so I could have to quit working on it. So let's just say I really get whacking off one's ear or nose or other body part that you just can't draw. I just wish it weren't so hard for me. I love the experience, but it takes me sooooooo long to finish a drawing, and then it's just not what I want. Maybe I just need to lay off the self-portraits. (By the way, the picture is not as splotchy as it looks in the scan. I used "canvas" paper and the scanner just couldn't handle the texture).
One thing I find interesting is that when I am drawing I am in another world. No time, no words, no hunger, just me and charcoal and paper. (Unfortunately the charcoal doesn't always find its way onto the paper, instead covering my hands, arms, face, hair, etc.) I realized this afternoon I had a neck ache. I had been drawing for about 4 hours and it was way past lunch time. I had no idea. That means I am working with the right side (non verbal, non linear) side of my brain. That's the most important thing about this whole experience.
On a lighter note, I finally "broke" down and bought some new dishes. Broke is the key note here. I have ceramic tile floors and marble counter tops. Guess what happens to most of my dishes? In two years I have broken 4 plates, 5 cups, 2 saucers and one bowl. So I've transferred those dishes to my kitchen and after looking and looking found something to use in my dining room, albeit not china or anything fancy, beats chipped and unmatched. As you know I just love tulips and I have a tulip oil painting in the living room. I have a red/orange wall, so I think these will go nicely. I was so pleased when they were delivered. I am doomed, however, because one of the saucers arrived broken (they are replacing it, of course). Whatcha gonna do? Maybe I should just go with plastic or paper plates... Wish you could drop in and I could make you a meal. Today I could serve you some delicious cherry-berry cheese cake (lo cal) that I made this afternoon. ... Maybe another day?