Water for Elephants

     Over the last few days, I have been reading the book "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen. With some exceptions (I do not accept the adultery as a wonderful love story - hope that's not a spoiler...), I enjoyed the book. I was quickly fascinated with the story and I wanted to read more. It is well written (at least at lot more readable than most popular books) and the whole plot line very well done (which is really something for a New York Times Bestseller, which I usually find kind trashy or over my head). It's a totally fictional kind of "memoir" with a 93 (or 90, since he can't remember) old man remembering his time working for a circus.
     One particular part of the book really set me to thinking. The main character, Jacob, who is a nursing home, looks in the mirror and tries to "see beyond the sagging flesh", and he claims: "It's no good....I can't find myself anymore. When did I stop being me? "  (p. 111).
     I am currently preparing to speak about self-esteem for weekend retreat for seniors. I am right on the cusp of being considered a senior myself. Not so much when I look in the mirror, but definitely when I see a picture of myself, I don't really see "me" anymore. Gravity has begun to take a toll and things are moving downward. So I know my body is changing. But I just can't accept that my body is me. It's the house where I live and so of course it's important. Short of mutilating my body with surgeries and chemicals, I can't much change the process of aging, so what real difference does it make what it looks like? I don't lose me in wrinkles and sags. I only lose " me" , if I am defined by what I look like. Now I know my culture wants me to do that so I buy more stuff so I look younger. But what in the world has made us think that it's all that good being young?
     Do people who want to " look"  young remember all the anguish we suffered when we were 20, 25, or 30? All those years made me who I am now, but no thanks to turning the clock back. I am happy with who I have become, and I am not through becoming me either. I like what I have learned about the world and about God and about me. If aches and pains and wrinkles are the price to pay, so be it.
    For years I carried the banner of the value of children. I guess it's time to change my colors and my design and carry a new flag. I want to tell the world that it's okay to grow weaker physically. I am not defined by what I can do. It's okay to have white hair and wrinkles, I do not lose me when my body changes. When David proclaimed he was " fearfully and wonderfully made" ,  it is not just for the Gisele Bundchen's of this world, it's for all of us. And the truth be told, my real me is as Paul proclaimed "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galations 2:20), and the longer I live, hopefully the closer I arrive at that goal. So long live growing old and becoming the true ME.