Struggling

Sometimes things just don’t come together like you wish they would. For instance, I am trying a new method of watercolor, that I mentioned the other day. It is slow and I can’t say I’m enchanted with it, but I am committed.  I am going to try to finish the picture, but I think the next time, I’ll be moving back to the quicker and more accurate, color-wise anyway, method of mixing my colors on my palette.  At any rate, you can see today’s progress. Sometimes I feel like the more I work, the worse the painting gets. I’m struggling to get it right. That’s part of the learning process.

Where I am really struggling, however, is on a message I am writing for Saturday morning. I was given the text to work with, and usually I find that a greater challenge as it doesn’t give me room for change. Normally, if the text just doesn’t gel into a message, then I move on to another one. I have been struggling with 1 Peter 3:15 for months now. And although it’s Wednesday I don’t feel any closer to opening up this text then I was in January! I have pages of research. I even have a title (Living without fear through fear). Working with contradictions/paradoxes is hard for me, and my whole concept in this text is such a paradox. The idea is that by fearing God, we can learn to live without fear. Ah ha! Now you understand my dilemma.  So I read and pray and meditate.

I have just realized part of my problem is fear. Ironic, huh? I recognized that I want to offer a message that will be life-impacting, interesting and well accepted. I am afraid of what people will think of me, if it’s not “meaningful enough”. So I have prayed over that and am now struggling to simply open up God’s Word for the other pastor’s wives on Saturday. I now plan to modify the message somewhat and use it to preach at our church Sunday morning since my husband will be preaching at another church. It’s always a BIG responsibility to me to be faithful in the interpretation of God’s message for His people. So I confess, right now I am struggling. Pray with me that I will be humble to listen and to translate what I am learning in my studies.