Running Scared

Have you ever started a book that is so good and truthful you just didn't want to put down, but found that it is so intense you had to put it down? I bought the book "Running Scared", by Edward Welch, based on a review I read on someone's blog. And they were dead-on! It is a challenging, wonderful book. For I long time now, I have come to believe that anxiety and fear are the consequence of sin. Yet I have done nothing about it in my life. It seems I half-heartedly confess my sin and then jump right back into my old patterns. And my anxiety often makes me nasty and angry and impatient. It keeps me up at night and makes me jittery by day. I don't know where were to hide from it, or where to hide it away. It is definitely not a pet I wish to have by my side day by day, or even once in a while. I could try the excuse that I am just made this way, but I very much know better than that. By the time you are 55 years old, you are responsible for who you have become.
So yesterday I decided the time had come to begin reading this book by a Christian neuropsychologist (it is NO self-help book, though). He recommend reading a chapter a day, and only moving on when you have shared with someone what you have read. So today you are my guinea pig.
The book is so well written you feel like you are listening to a friend who has melodious beautiful way of expressing himself. Everything he says resonates, makes sense. He talks about the fact that no one has to teach us to be fearful and that our fears grow as we get older (darn! I thought age counted for SOMETHING besides wrinkles). "What was once a small family of worries quietly conducts an aggressive breeding program to become a teeming community of palpable fears and private anxieties" (p. 21). Oh so true, isn't it?
But then he really scared me (no pun intended), because he suggested I start listening to my fears to discover they have meaning, a personal meaning. I want to ignore my fears and make them go away. He suggests, however, that my fears will speak about what I most value and love. Aside from my fear of losing those I love (which is quite sizable), most of my other fears don't reveal very nice things about me. I guess I just have to face that I really am a dirty grubby sinner saved by grace and I am still on the very long journey of trusting God. So until I reach my destination, guess I live in the "world of fear".
So I will trudge along and try to bring my hidden fears and anxiety to the light because, as he says: "the more blessed you will be when you hear words of peace and comfort."(p. 28) I am ready for that blessing.

The City of Tiles

I haven't written, of course, because I was traveling and the access to the internet was extremely precarious. It's funny, sometimes I complain about life here in Rio, but when I get away from here, I miss all the conveniences of the "big city". Things like a hot shower (where we stayed there was only cold water... argh!) and taxis on every corner and high speed internet.
Anyway, for 10 days we were up north (so far north that even though it is summer here in Rio, it was winter in São Luíz) in the capital of the state of Maranhão. The only real difference up there (just 3 degrees from the equator) between summer and winter is that it rains every day in the winter. That it did - rain every day. I had a permanent frizz to my hair and it was so humid most of the time I just pinned it up.
Mia was not anxious for me to leave and she jumped in my suitcase, as it to stop my travels. I did travel without her, and when I returned she pretended like she had never met me before. I was met with very cold indifference!
We had a good plane trip up, although it seemed to take forever. The day after we arrived to took off some time to visit the historic center of the "city of tiles". São Luíz is names for Louis the 14th, and was originally a French colony. It seemed to stagnate for years and years and due to the neglect, the colonial architecture has remained virtually undestroyed in the historic part cof the city. Many of the old buildings are all of ceramic tiles, which has become the logo mark of the city.
It definitely made for an interesting day visiting the old buildings and walking the narrow cobblestone streets. And it was all up and down hills and steps. In some ways it reminded us of Quebec City.
We found the people just delightful and so friendly. We asked someone where to eat and they walked us to their favorite restaurant. Can't beat that, eh? It was a 16th century building, that was unfortunately too dark to photograph. The streets were narrow and often it was impossible to get enough perspective to get a good shot. We even visited a food market that had the most interesting "smells". I couldn't get over the huge bags of cashews (you'll see them in a photo to the left)
All in all in was a great day.
After that day, things got busy. The next day (Wednesday) was the pastor's wives meeting, where I shared the opening address. In the evening we went to the music minister's conference. On Thursday I attended the women's meeting in the day and at night returned for the music minister's concert.
On Friday the convention began in earnest. This year they decided to only have business sessions in the afternoons. Morning and evening would be for inspiration. The Bible study leader was fabulous. I definitely had a spiritual banquet with real food with him. Can't say the same for the other messages... they were mostly "fluff", with lots of stories and a ton of emotion thrown it, but no real "meat". People ate that up, of course, which is fine, I suppose, but I was very uncomfortable with most of the sloppy speaking and theology and careless worship. The music was way too much and way too loud. Some of it was okay, but definitely what I call "popular" and nothing to really make you think. I know it was a convention for the masses, but made me homesick for my church here in Rio where the worship helps me sense God's presence through my body, soul and mind and not just through my emotions. I feel farther and farther away from where the Baptists are heading these days. I have become grumpy, demanding, old and set in my ways or something or the other. I just don't like 3 hours of standing and swaying and crying and extended invitations. It does stir people, but does it result in transformed lives? I am not sure if I want to go back to a convention if this is the best we have to offer (with the exception of the Bible study leader, that was definitely worth it all).
So the convention droned on Friday and Saturday. Sunday, João preached at two small churches and it was GREAT! I felt so at home at the churches. The people in São Luíz were just wonderful. So we had a very good day on Sunday.
Monday and Tuesday the convention continued on, morning, noon and night. Monday night was the missions night and I always love seeing the missionaries, although this year the board president took it upon himself to talk forever, so we only got to hear two missionaries. Oh well.
By Tuesday, I had had it. It was hot. I had listened to all I wanted to hear. I was tired of cold showers and frogs in my bedroom. I was itchy from so many mosquito bites. I was ready to go home, which we did on Wednesday afternoon. I was pleased, however, that there was enough time on Wednesday to walk on the nearby beach and take a long swim in the pool. That was just what I needed.
We headed home in the afternoon and arrived in our home sweet home around midnight. I was happy to take a long hot shower and sleep in my own bed. Carnival is next week and we usually travel to visit João's parents about 8 hours from here. Today I decided that I will let João go on his own and I will gladly stay home in my air conditioned bedroom. I definitely like my comfortable home. I think our niece and nephew (young adults) will be coming down from Vila Velha, while João goes up. This way I'll be here to host them.
It rather sounds like I hated the whole experience, and I did not. I loved the city. I had lots of fun seeing so many old friends. I would hate to count how many hugs I gave and received. I enjoyed the company of the group of Baptists with whom I traveled from Rio. We made new friends. I learned so much from Dr. Luiz Sayão, who taught the book of James. It was great to see the beaches of São Luiz everyday and have time away from the rush, rush, rush of Rio. It was even good to be away from the internet and rest my brain. We ate some really good fish and shrimp as well.
I suppose my disappointment with the denomination was so overwhelming it has tended to color the whole experience. The picture of the ruins on the right is kind of how I feel about the way the convention is going...
Nevertheless, I made an important decision about mentoring and spiritual responsibility, that will certainly change the direction of my life. Someday soon I will write more about that.
I am glad I went. I am glad I am home.
And that's the truth!

Mia the coffee cat

Don't ya just gotta love a cat who is into the java? Seriously now. Because it turned hot again this morning, I made my traditional iced café latte. It is seriously good on a hot morning. Mia was being particularly pesky this morning, wanting my attention full time. I gave her several long loving sessions, but as I have said before I do have a life! So I went to the computer to work on my sermon for the pastor's wives convention in São Luiz, Maranhão (by the way if you don't hear from me in a while you will know that the ten days we were at the Baptist Convention up there I was in internet withdrawl). Mia began to cry to get into the computer room, so I opened the door and up she jumped onto my desk. Unlike Sadik, however, she hasn't quite gotten the hang of sitting quietly on my desk to keep me company. She prances in front to the screen, paws at the screen, plops herself on the keyboard, lies on my written text, is generally a nuisance as I work.
Today, however, she decided to check out my coffee. She is not really much of a people food cat (with the notable exception of ham), so I figured once she got a whiff of the coffee she would be out of here. Would you believe it? She sniffed and then she began to imbibe. She loved the coffee. She licked the ice. Then she dipped in deeper to get a more serious buzz with the espresso coffee with hazelnut flavoring. I did a double-take when I saw her guzzling away on my latte. I guess I will finally have someone to join me in my morning cup of java. Have you ever heard of a coffee drinking cat before???

Decoration days

We have had a respite in the heat here in Rio. I can't believe we are enjoying such nice weather in January. We have a missions/evangelism project going on at church. The youth are out visiting all the neighbours (population 20,000) and are terribly grateful for the nicer weather - no rain, nice temps.
Because of the lower temps I actually ventured out to downtown to buy some new furniture for our apartment. Laugh if you will, but when it gets hot here, it is like downtown is boiling. Your feet get hot walking on the sidewalks and your head feels like it is going to melt your brains.
Anyway I enjoyed my excursion. I was able to finally get the bookshelf for my living room and also a dresser for my bedroom. It has been hard for me to find what I wanted, but I had previously visited this store and knew they had what I wanted. The furniture is built of real wood (which seems to be a difficult thing to find these days!), called "demolition" wood, since it is taken out of old farms and then rebuilt into furniture. It even smells like real wood. The style is old-fashioned, not modern and I like it. So now I have someplace to put books and CD's and "stuff" in my living room. I love the glass doors since it protects things from the heavy layer of dust I fight with on a daily basis. In addition, we finally had the tulip painting framed. We love the frame and feel like it adds a lot to the painting. It deserved more attention.
I was especially pleased to find a dresser I liked - with a marble top - for my bedroom. Most people use the built in drawers in their built in cabinents in the bedroom. But three little drawers just weren't enough for me. Guess I have too many clothes. But I hated the daily jumble of trying to find things for me and for João as well. I spent my afternoon yesterday adjusting 'drawers" in a very literally sense. I am already quite happy with being able to just grab things without having to take the drawer out of the closet into the light to try to find matching socks.
I know the walls are bare in the bedroom, (hopefully you can't tell), but perhaps now that I finally have the furniture I can concentrate on getting pictures framed. That is an expensive process. My philosophy is that you only buy what you can pay cash for, so that's why it's been slow going on getting the apartment fully furnished. I kind of have the impression that by the time I have everything the way I want it, we will be retiring and have to downsize to our small apartment in Vila Velha. That's life, isn't it? Take things one day at a time.

For Unto Us a Book is Published

It's here, it's here! The Vacation Bible School I wrote over the last few years has been published and is in print. Today they gave João a copy as he was walking (while I was in aqua class) at the WMU office. I could hardly wait to get it home and look it over. I was so excited. For those who don't read Portuguese, the title is: "Adventures in God's Forest" and it's a VERY Brazilian book, full of information about the Amazon region.
To accompany the book, is a CD with the Cantata that João wrote the lyrics to many years ago. We finally found the perfect venue for this beautiful story of God's creation and redemption. A former co-worker from the WMU wrote the music and it's just great. The tunes are very Brazilian and easy to sing. I have put an mp3 player link at the top of left column. Just click on the pink arrow in the mp3 player and you'll hear our favourite song on the CD. It is the song: "Paradise" that has the children and Adam singing about how happy Paradise was. I think you will enjoy it. João and I sat and listened to the CD several times. We just can't help marveling over the joy of seeing our "child" being born. It is such a wonderful sensation. And so exciting that I just had to share it with you. Hope you enjoy it too!

Don't Have Enough to Do

After looking at some of the changes on my blog, you might conclude I don't have enough to do! It's not that I don't have anything to do. It's just that I don't want to do it! How's that for an explanation?
So I redid how my blog looks. And I experimented with adding in some gadgets that are kind of fun. For instance you can see my weather here in Rio. And if you type in your area (postal) code, it will even give you your weather forecast. How's that for cool?
I added in a crazy cat who does nothing more than follow your cursor and purr and move around some. Totally useless, but funny.
And for those who are not yet addicted to YouTube, I added a YouTube gadget. You can chose from the drop-down menu if you want the videos recently view, or most popular, etc. I warn you though, you will have to do some censoring. If you click on the video screen you can see the video in another, full-screen, mode.
There are a lot of gadgets and goofy stuff you can put on your blog. I experimented with clocks and games, but it got a little busy. Which is exactly what I REALLY need to do right now. So I guess I'll bite the bullet and actually take down my Christmas decorations. Have some fun today, okay?

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggedy Jig Jig Jig

I arrived safely home back in Rio this morning. The flight from Cincy to DC was eventless, other than a two hour delay (I am always grateful for 5 hour layovers). I had enough time in DC walk from one terminal to another and then grab a bite to eat. I picked up a disposable cell phone and spent the rest of my time talking to my mom, my sis and my hubby. I also chatted with the Brazilians (it is so wonderful to be with people who will really talk to you).
The flight out of DC left on time and I was fortunate to have two seats and be able to put my feet up. Can't say that I slept much, but I seemed not to be too terribly sleepy. I did sleep some, of course, and that really helped the long flight seem less long. It was a bumpy flight and that kept people from getting up and walking around and so things were pretty quiet.
We actually arrived in Rio about 20 minutes early, so by the time I did police, my bags, and customs, I was leaving the airport about the time I expected to arrive. I was pleased to have my cell phone with me and be able to call João and let him know I had arrived and make contact as I moved the various stages of the customs, etc.
I was glad to see my own little house. Mia ran right to me. No punishment for me. Just for João, since she refused to use her litter box while I was gone. (BAD KITTY!)
I unpacked, ate some lunch and then went soundly asleep with Mia on my tummy. It is hot here. I am really feeling the heat. I have things pretty well organized from the trip and will shower and get ready to go to church here in a little bit. I am having a hard time adjusting to the fact that it is 7PM and still so light. Funny how just two weeks throws off all your instincts.
I wish you a very joyful 2008. I know mine will be since joy doesn't depend on circumstance. Fireworks to you.

I'm leaving on a Jet Plane

In about an hour or so I will be heading off to the airport to go home... although that doesn't make much sense. You see, when I left Brazil some days ago it was to come home. So I came home to the US, so that I could go home from the US. Therein lies the dilemma. As they taught me many years ago, the only time I am really happy is on the plane, coming home or going home. It's a strange sensation, as I am always missing someone.
I am not anxious to leave my family here. I am anxious to see my family there...
Yesterday was our 15th wedding anniversary and we both forgot until late last night. Isn't that funny? That, however, does not mean he gets out of a nice dinner somewhere next week, when I finally get rested up.
I should land in Rio around 10:30AM on Monday morning. That evening will be the big New Year's eve celebration at our church. Hope I can stay up that late after an all night plane ride. The church service ends at midnight and then there is a supper. We have been invited out afterwards. I wonder if I'll have the get-up-and-go? We'll see and I'll let you know. Have a Happy New Year.

Family Fun

Times changes. Patterns are different. But the family is still the family. It is so good to a part of family. Family habits and family jokes make for a special type of fun that can't be celebrated or found anywhere else. My niece made gingerbread mickey mouse's and we had fun eating off the ears and laughing about it. We all found a lot to laugh about. At times we found ourselves in tears over such silly things. We enjoyed going to church together last night and opening our gifts. Then on Christmas day we each made our contributions to our Christmas dinner - that was delicious. After lunch, since we had all overeaten, we sat around semi-comatose laughing and talking. It was sweet for me. The strange thing, however, was having Chuck and Megan leaving early Christmas afternoon to go home since they have to work on the 26th. Everyone commented what a strange and lonely feeling it was to just have the adults around and no kids to play games, watch videos, etc. It is a sign of transition, times changing and facing the fact of getting older. I used to miss the "good old days" of when we were all children together. Then that passed because we had the second generation. Now they have grown up and we have to wait for our third generation. It's a new feeling to sense that we are the older generation now. I am glad to have been together with my family this year and to celebrate our changing times.

I did make it in safely

Here I are! I made it into the US safely on Tuesday night. I had a less than wonderful experience in NYC at the JFK airport. Trust me, if they offered me a free airplane trip anywhere in the world and I had to go through JFK, I wouldn't take it. Horrible place. I got off the plane, went through police and customs and suddenly you are outside! No directions, no explanations, no nothing. I asked around, and found I had to take and elevator to the trains (with luggage in tow). Half hour wait to get an elevator. And then no idea what floor to get off of, and when I did it was wrong, of course... so another wait for an elevator. I gave up and hauled down the escalators and then found the train station. But which train, in which way, to which terminal???? No signs, nothing. Someone told me which one to get on and where to get off. But it was the wrong level, so more escalators and more elevators. Then I had to stand in line outside (yes I said outside, with no coat on) the terminal because it was too full to get in. Line to get in the terminal. Another line to check in. Another line to turn in the luggage and then ANOTHER line to go through security. So more than 2 hours just to change flights. Ask me if I was happy?
All's well that ends well and I actually took off early and arrived 40 minutes ahead of schedule in Cincinnati.
I was one tired puppy, since we had left home in Rio at 4:30AM and arrived here in the US the equivalent of 1:30AM. I was ready to hit the sack, which I did. I could appreciate being home and seeing my family again the next day, although I did wake up with a cold and fever. I have been kind of under the weather for a couple of days, but who wants to get out and do stuff in the winter anyway?
So I've been quiet and just enjoying the family. Everyone will be in for Christmas eve and Christmas day and I know it will be fun.
In the meantime, back at the ranch, my poor husband has been quite sicker, much sicker than I was with the cold. It's hard to have to be far away from your family in order to be with the rest of your family.
Anyway, that's the scoop! I am here and I am happy.

Too cute for words

Now come on, even Scrooge would have to admit this is about the cutest thing you have ever seen. I mean how could Mia just NOT melt your heart. All cats are darling, but even a cat hater would have to say she is too cute for words. She let me dress her in this ridiculous little costume and even sort of enjoyed it. She just purred away. Then posed nicely for us. We have lots of shots of her, but we were just practicing. We want to get together and take a family shot, but it's hard. Sissy is working night and day (she took a job at a store for the Christmas rush and is gone from 10:30AM-9PM every day, 7 days a week) and right now Elly is taking a short vacation in Argentina. Consequently, I just couldn't resist posting these practice photos that wish you all a very Merry Christmas this year. May your days be merry and bright!

Have you ever?

Have you ever just wanted to do something and then impulsively done it? While I can be an impulsive person in expressing what I am feeling (read: I don't know how to hide my emotions), I usually am not impulsive in my actions. I think about what I am going to do and play and replay things out before and after I do anything. My brain tends to think quickly, so I have more time than most people for playing out any given scenario. And since I am very much a control freak, I like to plan everything out pretty meticulously. I don't like for things to be out of my control. That's why I often resist change when it is not something I have instigated. This week, however, I expressed that I wanted to do something and before I had time to really think it out, it was happening.
This year I just haven't been able to get in the mood for Christmas. I put up the tree, but have played no Christmas music and have not even turned on the lights. There is going to be no special Christmas service at church - no cantatas, no Christmas sermons, no children's program. It's like everyone has gone on strike.
I have very much just been going through the motions, without the emotions - although I never want to be piloted by emotions, it's kinda nice when they match up with what you are doing. And usually I can force play my emotions into following my actions. Just didn't work.
When I mentioned to João that I thought I was missing my family, he asked why I didn't just fly home for Christmas. I thought that was nuts, since I like to plan things out for months. Usually my suitcase is packed weeks in advance. Besides, I mentioned, this is high rates season. Tickets run $3,000-5,000. No way. But he told me to look anyway. So I did. I found a crazy flight (leaves at 6AM and gets in at 11PM) that was dirt cheap. There were seats available. I booked a reservation and paid for it and now in about 11 more days I'll be in the US with my family for a few days for Christmas. Can you believe it? Little 'ole non-spontaneous me. I just did it. I don't think I can really believe I did it. Neither can my family. I think it will be good for all of us. It will be a respite from the heat for me and a chance to share Christmas with my immediate family. And João's girls will get to have a Christmas just with their dad. That will be nice for them too. So, there you go. Have you ever just wanted to do something you thought you couldn't? And then did it? Well I did!

It's Beginning to Look (not feel) a Lot Like Christmas

Today João and I took off a couple hours, as we haven't really had any time off together for more than two weeks. We enjoyed a nice lunch together and tried to finish up the Christmas shopping. The mall was so beautifully decorated, that I really enjoyed just looking. Of course I can't walk for long or even really fast or else my calf screams for attention. Still I am able to walk around the mall and do my shopping if I don't rush it and stop and stretch some. I think my tendon problem is chronic, so I am going to have to learn to live with a degree of discomfort unless I lose about 30 pounds. Can't see that happening.
I didn't expect the decorations to be so beautiful, so I only had my cell phone with me, so these photos don't really capture the beauty. The trees were two-three stories high.
The last couple of weeks have been rather hectic. Weekend before last I was at a state women's camp. It was great to preach for women. There were about 400 or so present (see photo to the right), and many old acquaintances. I found it very rewarding. I love sharing God's word and so miss doing so on a regular basis. I continue to pray for open doors in this ministry. Right now I am seen as the pastor's wife - capable of working with the children,and helping João, but not for preaching and teaching I guess. But at the right time, things will unfold I know. God's timing is perfect!
This past weekend we had a wonderful congress about Sunday School at our church. I had hoped it would be better attended, but we only had around 250-300. Still that's a good group and I think some real seeds of change were planted. The main speaker was really really fantastic. I did an afternoon workshop with the teenagers and had so much fun with them. (The only reason I didn't do the children's workshop is because I told them I preferred working with another age group. So I guess they thought I could possibly handle teenagers (certainly not adults, right?). But I wouldn't have missed it for the world. The kids were a riot. I loved it. I had the room set up like a living room and we analyzed music and movies. Their thoughts were deep and they taught me much. The kids at our church are just charming and I love them so much. If I had the drive and energy I would take them on, but they need someone younger and more energetic. Still now and then I do teach them and every single time is a blessing. I am encouraged that we will be calling a youth minister next year. I tried to do a composite picture, pulling together 3 photos of the group, so it's an odd shape, but if you click on it you get a better view.
I really shouldn't be working on this blog tonight as I need to be planning the worship service that the orchestra will be participating in on the 16th. They need to pull together all the arrangements, so they need to know the order of worship. I am tired and guess I needed to think on other things. Still, Momma always said: "work before play", so off I go. Hope you are enjoying your snow as much as I am enjoying my air-conditioning!

Library Time

I know I am a cyclical person. Right now I am in a "reading" cycle. I have always been a reader, but at times I immerse myself, totally, in books. That is me, right now. It all started when I began preparations for our Sunday School Congress this weekend. Although I know people didn't even realize what post-modernism really is, that is actually our theme. I began to read and look into the whole subject. Of course these aren't exactly "page-turners", but as I have thumbed through them and read here and there, I have been fascinated by what post-modernism means for us as evangelicals. Post-modernism isn't just that we live in a "more than modern" era, but is a whole new philosophy of life. We really are at a crux in history. I know we have always heard that "the times are a-changing", but right now everything really is changing - from architecture, to music, to art, to movies, to worship services! It is a fundamental change in thinking and acting, and this change very much explains why so many 16-35 year olds have and will continue to fall away from traditional churches. Where does that leave us? In what direction should we be moving? So nearly every morning João and I have been discussing this and trying to grapple with these ideas. For me "ideas" have always been impractical, but what we believe determines what we do. So here I am up to my ears in theological and philosophical books, as you will note by the list of books in my "virtual" library to the left.
At the same time, I am reading a fascinating book, "Escape", by Carolyn Jessop. I can hardly stop, anxious to find out what will happen. It is the story of a woman who escaped from a fundamentalist polygamous cult. After I finish, I am trying to decide between "A Thousand Splendid Suns", or "A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier", or "The Mayflower and Her Passengers". Anyone out there read any of these books? Do you have a recommendation? Do you have any other books I might enjoy reading?

It was fun

I don't know about everyone else, for it was kind of "my" day, but I had a great time at Thanksgiving yesterday. I had organized the meal so that most of the preparation was done the day before. I just had to control the time and put things in to roast at the right time. There were 8 of us for dinner this year, a smaller group than last year. Marilene and her family celebrated in São Paulo with their friends, carrying on the tradition started last year. I enjoyed the fellowship a lot. I really enjoyed our small worship service around the table (we read some verses, sang parts of some hymns and shared our gratitude. Although I made the food, I still enjoyed eating the somewhat traditional Thanksgiving meal, minus cranberries that cannot be found here. I will have to remember to bring back some cans with a long expiration date next year. I did remember stovetop stuffing and it was so good! I chose not to make sweet potatoes as I felt that was just too much sugar and starch, especially since I really really wanted some pumpkin pie!
Like last year, I had everyone fill their plates from a separate table so there would be more room - especially since my table really only fits 6 people, not 8. It was a great evening of sharing and visiting and I guess of our own tradition. The family from our church had never experienced Thanksgiving and want to start to do so in their own family. So maybe every year I can invite a different family for them to experience it and start it in their own family. We can certainly all do with more giving thanks in our lives. I'm off to do more thanks-living!

I am Thankful

I am thankful and on the day we earmark to give thanks, I would like to say thank you to God for his blessings in my life. I don't mean to express them in any particular order, but rather as a stream of consciousness kind of event. I am thankful for:

1. A family that always gave me attention and love. A family with a Mom and a Dad and two sisters who taught me to fear and love the Lord and be a part of a community of faith. I love my family so much it hurts to me far from them. They gave me so much, they give me so much that there really are no words.
   
2. Churches I have been a part of during my long life. The church of my infancy that taught me in the ways of God and nurtured me in my baby faith. For my other churches that called me out and encouraged me to engage the gifts God gave me. For the friends I made in church that held me together when loneliness and solitude closed in on me.
3. My husband who loved me and sought me out when I thought I was unlovable. My husband who patiently loves me and cares for me every single day. He really is my sunshine, my very special gift from God. There will never be enough time in this world to express how much I love him.
   
4. My friends who have listened to me over the years. My very special friend Marilene who has stuck with me over separations and time!
5. My two step-daughters who have given me acceptance and love and stepped up to fill the void left by my two children who I lost without ever getting know. I am grateful I carried life inside of me and will always miss my babies, but still I am grateful for life as it is now.
6. Being comfortable. Strange, I know. But I am thankful for living in a home that is comfortable; for living in a place where I recognize people and things and it's easy to get around; being able to do the things I like to do and doing them well (I think); living with people I like and love; being able to stay home and not having to drive or travel. I really have every"thing" I ever wanted or needed.
   
7. My aches and pains because it means I am aging, which is a good thing. It has always taught me more patience (just because I hurt I don't have to snap at everyone), empathy and a willingness to wait on the Lord.
8. My kitty cats. In the great scheme of life, they aren't all that important, and yet each pet I have had has brought something very special into my life. I am so grateful to each one who has let me dry my tears on their fur, spend my affection petting their neck, and express my childish impulses chasing them around the house.

Sometimes I really think I have it all. And I do, for Jesus Christ is my all. We sing a hymn in Portuguese that says "Tudo És Tu, Jesus" (You are everything Jesus). Even if I lost all the afore mentioned items, I would still have much for which to be grateful. I am not sure how to say thanks for all this and more. Today, at least, I wanted to write this out. Thank you, God for my life as it is right here and right now.

My newest decoration

I worked on my Christmas decorations some last week, so I would have the tree up and enjoyable for a while before Christmas and certainly have it ready for Thanksgiving this week. I put out all the snowmen my sister gave me in hopes it would inspire cooler weather. Worked! It's been in the 70's this weekend!
Thursday night we will celebrate an American Thanksgiving here. Right down to pumpkin pie, green bean casserole, turkey and dressing. The one missing item will be cranberries as I just can't find them here and forgot to bring them back. No way you can do cranberries homemade!
I wasn't sure how Mia would react to the tree. Sadik, for instance, ignored it entirely. Baby and Dolly destroyed every ornament I had climbing up and down the tree. Mia, fortunately, is more like Sadik. She was only interested when I was testing the lights by stretching them out on the ground. It looked like a game of catch to her, but once I told her no firmly (translated, I yelled), she never was a problem. Since, however, she is a cat that loves to be under things (she sleeps under the bed or under the table in the living room), she now has her new favorite place - under the Christmas tree. She is definitely my newest and prettiest decoration. If you look carefully in the photo to the right you'll see her sitting quietly. She never even offers to bother the ornaments. She is such a good baby! (See the inset to left, as well).
You just never know what will happen, right? Sunday, for example, was in the middle of a lo-o-o-o-o-ng holiday weekend (6 day holiday) and it seemed everyone was traveling. We figured the church would be empty. We were blessed by tons of visitors (who were also traveling) and the worship services were great. Sunday night the orchestra played and that is always wonderful. Before the service they gave a mini-concert and what a treat that was. I kept thanking God that for their talent. I am almost to the place where I no longer envy people who have that kind of talent (just a twinge now and then), as I learn to appreciate who God has made me (and them) to be.
My other surprise was a re-occurrence of my Achilles tendon problems from last spring. Friday I thought I was going to have to crawl home from the store. Lots of ice and aspirin and the swelling is down and the pain is minimal. This is, of course, a side effect of the antibiotic I was taking due to the sinus infection. I will have to do very little walking for a month or so and lots of stretches, but I think I have weathered the worse of the crisis (I hope!). I will stop on the aspirin too, so I don't have a re-occurrence of stomach problems. I do think the cure is often worse than the disease! My next stop is to a homeopathic doctor who doesn't give me poison to get me better (or make me worse). Good idea, right? I am thankful for so many things, for so much in my life, that I won't complain. "Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices!"

Outback

There is bad news for the pocketbook. A new Outback Restaurant opened here in Rio, within walking distance from our house! It's bad enough that the mall is walking distance. Now they open an Outback. That just happens to be our favourite restaurant! So today as we lazed around on the day of Proclamation of the Republic of Brazil (did you know it was a monarchy until 1889?), I decided to make a declaration of independence from cooking. Sissy was taking another college entrance exam, so we went off the mall. I wanted to check out the Outback and lo and behold it was open. I was sure the waiting line would be huge since we hit right at 1:30, pretty much rush hour for lunch here. Since there were just the two of us, we got seated right away. We avoided the temptation of the blooming onion (better shared with lots of people), but we did enjoy TWO loaves of their wonderful bread, since they were slow in serving us. We had ribs and chicken and as we were eating, Sissy arrived to join us. She wasn't too rattled, since this test was for a university she doesn't particularly care for. Still she said the test was really hard. She brought a copy of it and man she was right. I don't think I would have answered one single question... except maybe the English part on the "Alice in Wonderland". At any rate it was nice to celebrate with Sissy and have time to talk as a family. Now it's night and we have drug out all the Christmas decorations and have started that process. We hope to finish tomorrow. We also are taking time to read and I am now on a new book, about narrative preaching. I find I still have so much to learn about transmitting the gospel. It has been a really good holiday for our family. I hope you find time for your own version of "Outback" and enjoy yourself today.

Silver Wedding Anniversary

Tonight there was a 25th wedding anniversary celebration at the church. We, of course, have lots of weddings (10 since August!), and I don't even try to attend them all. I find, since they are on Saturdays and end very late, somewhat stressful. This, however, was different. Contrary to "normal" people, the middle of the week is actually better for me. Somehow there is something more charming and more moving seeing a couple who has weathered the good and bad times. Tonight was no exception. In the photo their son is singing to them. Isn't that sweet? They also sang a duet. The song is sung at a lot of weddings, but it made more sense to hear "God planned you for me" when the couple has lived that reality. We really do have it wrong spending so much on weddings and so little on the anniversaries. By the way on the floor what you are seeing are rose petals mixed with metallic streamers (you can actually see some of them floating down). As the son was singing, these came floating down from the ceiling, raining rose petals. We always do this at weddings, but the addition of the metallic streamers matching the colours of her dress, was so exceptionally beautiful. Wish I had filmed it. Inside the heart they projected pictures of their wedding and also of their marriage. We are coming up on our 15th anniversary and it made me think that João and I need to do something special to thank God for the blessing he gave us of each other. By the way, Mia has been my special helper while I've been doing this post. I have been trying to teach her to sit quietly at the computer. She tends to like to scratch at the screen (not exactly recommended behaviour for a LCD screen) and stand and stretch. She says good-night to all.

Fog in Sunny Rio

We awoke to quite rainy, foggy day that seems more appropriate to London than Rio. Yesterday was hot and humid and stifling and usually than means that a "cold front" (remember, all things are relative) is pushing its way in and trapping the warm hot air. So we canceled our visitation plans in Teresópolis and decided to stay home and "enjoy" the cool, rainy day. That means not sticking our head out the door. After an extra busy weekend, we needed time to read and reflect and talk and pray.
João is currently reading a book about "neo-pentecostals" (in Portuguese - "Decepcionados com a Graça") that I also took a look at, so part of our discussion was on gnosticism and other heresies that are the fundamental philosophy of this movement. It helped me concretize why we must NOT adopt the liturgy and worship patterns that are based on experiences and not on the living Word.
On the other end of the spectrum, we also spent time talking about a very interesting book I am reading:"The Great Giveaway: Reclaiming the Mission of the Church from Big Business, Parachurch Organizations, Psychotherapy, Consumer Capitalism, and Other Modern Maladies", which I thought I was going to hate, but which has provoked some serious thought and a re-avaliation of my own religion and philosophy, which I tend to be smug about. I realized how quick we all are to just defend what we have always done, without questioning the validity of it all. That lead us both down the road of speculation of where we need to be heading has a large church in the post-modern era, where the search is for TRUTH that can be seen in lives. There was lots to be said about preaching and teaching styles and even church liturgy that needs to be modified. It's been a while since we have had time to sit down and really discuss ideas like this. Certainly led us to think we need to have some kind of forum or seminar in the church to seriously talk about what all this means for us at First Baptist. We cannot get stuck in a rut or adopt "trends". We need to seek an honest direction that leads people to be both justified and sanctified.
Oh dear. You see where a rainy day leaves us? But isn't it wonderful God gives us these days to think and reflect and yes to rest? And I am so grateful to have a husband who is a soul mate and partner in thought and spiritual growth. I have so many blessings!

Excitement

Last night we had a great meeting at our church with the music department. It was historic, as we had a potential minister of music speaking to the group. He shared who he is and his philosophy of music and the group had a chance to ask questions. The process at our church is a little different, in that the pastor "appoints" the minister of music, since it is understood they will be working side by side and must be in accord in terms of philosophy and theology. Still João wanted him to meet the musicians and vice-versa to see how the "fit" is.
I felt the meeting went very well. So after a year long search and many heart felt prayers, we feel we may be at the end of the journey. It will be so wonderful to have someone working the "harmonize" the music department. We have so many wonderful talents, but what we lack is a minister to "shepherd" and unite and organize the whole concept of "music ministry". I am so pleased at what this could mean for our church in terms of spiritual growth and outreach.
If this all works out, then the process will begin again for a minister of youth. This Sunday we will be meeting with the youth to hear what they expect from a youth minister. That is the first step. Then we meet with the parents to hear from them. Youth minister will be for ages 13-25 or so I guess - at least through university age. This is kind of a new field here in Brazil, so we are anxious to work through this. Then we can move on to a children's minister. I see so much potential in having more ministries to really seeing people discipled and developing a real Christian "cosmo-vision" of the world, instead of just coming to church on Sunday and living the rest of the week however they wish. I so desire to see our church break out of the molds of people who are just "members" into people who live as Christ as called, transforming our society! I want to see honest politicians, dedicated teachers, inspired musicians, non-violent law keepers, who can share about the difference Christ has made in their lives. I am getting old, but my dream of seeing the world transformed by Christ never grows old.

If you blink

If you blinked, you missed the fact that I changed the background of my blog 5 times today! I love the sunflower design, but I would love to have a larger column for writing - which is after all the whole purpose of a blog! But it is incredibly complicated (to me at least) to create your own background. Even when I started messing with using a a non-blogspot template, it started getting complicated for me to keep my side messages in line. Since sunflowers are my favourite (for now at least), I may leave this in for a few days. (By the way, don't you just love Van Gogh's Sunflower? If I could own any original painting in the world, it would be a Van Gogh.) It is my first attempt at using a design that is not from blogspot. Since I like change and a challenge, it was good to try something different.
I was inspired to change today as I looked at my new passport. It is so beautiful. Every page has a new design and famous quote about the US. Makes you want to sit down and read it. If you haven't seen one, ask someone who has one to take a look-see.
I had to go downtown to pick up the passport at the embassy and since I was there, I hit the shopping district. After all these years, it still seems strange to see Santa Claus and see all the Christmas lights, while I am sporting sunglasses, drinking coconut water and sweating buckets. All in all, however, the decorations, did make me want to come home and put up my decorations. I have never gotten why I have to wait until December, when I would like to enjoy the decorations, which take so much work, for a little longer than a week or two. I am restraining myself, but probably next week I will get started. This year Christmas is at our house and I am looking forward to that. The girls and I have been working on our menu!
First, however, we have to get through something called "vestibular". That is the entrance exams to the university. I don't know how Sissy is surviving the stress. If I could do something for her, I would. But it's all up to her. After a year of studying 12 hours a day, 6-7 days a week, she certainly deserves to pass. Every year the exams gets more and more competitive. I know she knows her stuff. The problem is the limited number of slots. Only the top few get into journalism. There are 19 applicants for each opening. Her main exam is this coming Sunday. Please pray for her to have confidence and remember what she knows. This is a life-altering day for her and since she has all her eggs in this basket, we would like not to see them scrambled. I'll keep you posted on how she comes out (although the results are not posted until January).

Church Picnic

Today we went with a group from the church for a little outing. It was on an island in the bay. We went downtown where we caught a huge ferry (2000 people) that took about an hour. The boat ride was one of the best parts of the day. It was very comfortable and there was a nice breeze the whole time and great scenery along the way. This first photo shows the Fiscal Island castle where the very last Imperial Ball was held in 1889. Isn't it gorgeous? All during the trip they sold food and we managed to eat and talk the whole time.
Upon arriving at the island (Paquetá), I was faced with a wave of heat. I hoped it was just the diesel from the engines, but no. It was desperately hot. I mean miserably hot. I mean intolerably hot. I mean HOT. As Sissy said the other day, this kind of heat is a definite object lesson for encouraging anyone not to want to go to hell. I had brought lots of cold water and my cold water mist and was glad for that.
Lunch had been prepared for us and it was delicious, although the little church where we met was like a little oven! João ended up suggesting we eat outside on the curb under a tree. Much better idea.
The island really is a paradise and quite beautiful, safe and quiet (cars are banned). We ended up taking a buggy ride around the island and found that to be a wonderful idea. It was cool in the buggy, with a nice breeze and the driver gave us a great tour of everything. I am randomly posting some of the great pictures we got. The view of the city of Rio is really great from the Island.
Because so many people from the church were there we had a great time yelling at everyone as we passed them by on our horse and buggy ride. We went with three women. When the ride finally ended we were all so hot, we asked him to take us back to the boat dock to catch the next boat home. Although we were to stay until evening and watch the sunset, a lot of us just couldn't take the heat. As we sat under a tree cooling down with our popsicles, what was our surprise but to see a ton of folks leaving early like we were.
On the boat ride back to town, most people just slept. I walked around and got some more great photos. Wish I had space for all the great shots. I particularly loved the photo to the left that shows the skyline of the city, plus Corcovado (Christ the Redeemer) on the mountain center-left and the television towers on the mountain to the right. We live just under the television towers! We passed the yachts that were out in great numbers. If you really look I think you can see how hot it was by the haze. Those were heat waves...
Perhaps my favorite sight of the day was Baobab tree on the island. It is one of the few of these African trees planted here in Brazil. It's affectionately called Fat Mary, since it is huge. Don't ask my why there is a Baobab tree there. But I loved seeing it, since they are so famous and I had never seen one. This one is only about 100 years old, but they say they live for about 300 years. So Mary will get bigger! Read up on the tree. It's a wonderful part of God's creation. I was reminded, again, today of how marvelous are the works of our Creator's hand.
Hope you enjoyed our little trip together. Come back again and visit with me again some time. You never know what you might see!